Doorstep Baby (5SOS/Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 15

I have to keep being punched not so discreetly in the leg by Calum on my left and Ashton on my right in the leg so i concentrate on what is being said, three times i have been asked a question and i haven't realised.

I just can't stop thinking about Lexi, i don't know how she has managed to have this effect on me but she has and there is no escaping her, even if i wanted to which of course i don't.

Skye starts wriggling in my arms, at 3 months she is developing quicker than normal babies apparently as she is already holding up her own head and trying to sit up which in normal circumstances would make her very clever baby but in these meetings it makes her nuisance as she is also very nosey and wanting to be able to look around the room freely but in her car seat she is restricted so she starts to whinge and cry so i pick her up and then she fall asleep but every time i try to put her down she wakes up and cries louder than the last time which makes each person apart from Michael, Calum and Ashton sigh in frustration.

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"Thank God that is over" i mumble throwing my head back and closing my eyes as i fall asleep to the gentle rhyme of the car taking us home

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Dream

I take shot after shot and from behind me i hear some shout over the thumping music "you should slow down you know"

Yet when i turn around there is no one there

"I'm over here" the voice teases yet sure enough when i turn around there is bodies all around me dancing but not the girl with the voice

"Join me" i slur drunkenly

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Someones lips, lips... a girls lips are on my neck as i fumble to unlock the door to my hotel room. Where am i?

I fall through the door as it opens unexpectedly and the girl falls down with me. We burst out laughing but before i can see her she kisses me again as the door slams shut leaving us in total darkness

"who are you?" i ask between kisses

"It hurts that you don't remember me Luke, i remember you. I have a reminder every single day now well maybe not the final product but the scars from the stretch marks and the surgery i had to have!" the silhouette shouts

End of dream

I wake up startled, Xanthie is cursing me in my dreams and i don't even know what she looks like, that's the girl i keep thinking about.

I need to find her, if not for me for Skye because even though i know she said not to because she didn't think she could offer Skye a good life every child deserved to have a chance to know both their biological mother and father plus this girl had just left our baby on a door step of a hotel room, how could she have been so certain it was my room, nobody was allowed up to our floor and how did she know somebody else might not see her before i did?

It was totally irresponsible.

The car pulls to a stop, i must have been sleeping for quite a while because now we are home. I pick up Skye who is in her car seat wearily, this whole father/band member combination was really hard and i didn't know if i could do it. Could i really have both?

I never thought it was going to be easy, of course i wasn't that naïve but i did think we would get into a pattern that would cause us to get better and things to get slightly easier yet they seemed to get harder and i get more tired each and every day.

My day would consist of being woken up at 7AM by Skye who would want a bottle, if i was lucky she may go back to sleep for another hour or two but in that time i had to shower and get ready for the day. When she would wake up i would dress her and change her before giving her another bottle. Then it was usually off to the recording studio or we would try to sit down and write some music for a new album but Skye didn't like being in one place at one time so would kick up a fuss so being stuck in a small studio was no ideal and keeping her in the one room we would be writing in made he angry too. We would both get dinner before she had a nap while i did our washing of clothes because as easy as it would be just getting someone to come and do the domestic chores around the house for us i wanted to stay as normal as possible. When Skye would wake up we would be on the tour bus travelling to the venue to do sound check and she would want another bottle. We would do sound check while someone cared for her, after sound check from the time between finishing sound check and going on stage for real i looked after Skye trying to keep her preoccupied so she wouldn't scream the place down. Finally after the show Skye would usually be asleep but the transition from the venue to the tour bus would usually wake her up so she would be cranky and wanting another bottle, then i would have to change her nappy yet again and put her in pajamas before eventually putting her in bed. The worst part? She still often woke up at least once a night around 5am.

I was exhausted.

"You want us to take her for a bit?" i hear someone ask so i turn around with drooping eyes

Skye is taken from me and even though i feel like leaving her with the other guys is burdening them i don't have the energy to even argue back about it so i traipse to my room and throw myself to the bed falling asleep almost instantly

Thinking about it, who will benefit more from Xanthie coming back? Me or Skye. Xanthie accepting responsibility would mean she could care for Skye and i could get on with my life...

Yet i don't think i could give up my daughter to a woman who gave her away so easily.

Maybe it would have to be my rock star career that i had to think about stopping