Skibidi Toilet Forever - Definitive Edition

Skibidi Toilet Forever

My serial number is Cameraman-4474, nothing more, nothing less. I'm a MK3 unit, designed after the more human-like MK1, and the MK2, which has nothing to hide. The MK3 is designed to utilize a greater number of weapons and tools, as well as take minor augmentations such as internal physical storage or additional weapons systems. I myself was equipped with a handheld laser cannon - a far cry from the ones used by the Titans or even our regular upsized units - but it works for what it's designed to do; destroy Toilets.

My squad was sent into Alpha Hills Labs about a day after the raid had concluded. Our mission was to escort the Detective into one of the lower levels to investigate a certain room that housed stolen Alliance tech. It was me, Cameraman-3812 - a paralyzer - Cameraman-4013 - a fellow cannoneer - and Speakerman-L-650 - one of the upsized variants. The Detective and us arrived via dropship, and quickly made our way into the base. L-650 had to duck just to fit in the corridors, and 3812 couldn't keep his lens off of every last crook and crevice there was; he was convinced there were still Toilets down there.

We eventually reached one of the few operational elevators and rode it down to a floor that L-650 could finally stand straight in, and low and behold, it was the same level we were needed. There was a room tucked away in the wall that houses - somehow - almost every weapon we'd used up until the day of the raid. A knife of Titan Speakerman, Titan Cameraman's old arm, manuals on how to build TV screens complete with both hypnosis and red screens; it was ridiculous, but that wasn't the reason we came here. There were two things that stuck out: A flexible, extendable sort of tendril that had only ever been seen on a handful of elite Toilets, and a spear, something no one had seen before, and while the spear was destroyed in the battle against the Scientist, it's display case wasn't.

The Detective immediately took several permanent snapshots of both and sent them back to HQ for archival before requesting a lift. L-650 picked him up and held him beside the tendril as he looked over every last inch of it, even pulling out a tape measure and checking its circumference. Turns out it was made of a series of interlocking cylindrical rings that could extend, lock back into each other, and form joints at near any position. It wasn't impossible engineering, but something was off about it; every single ring was the exact same, down to the millimeter. Toilet inventions work, no doubt, and their Scientist was no slouch, but their factories and engineers are known for work that's sloppy and thrown together last minute, not laser precise.

The Detective climbed down L-650's shirt and hopped to the ground. He spoke to us - or more accurately, thought to us - "This device has been used infrequently by both Toilets and TVs, but I do believe that this here contraption is the make of another! Not Camera, Speaker, TV, or even Toilet."

4013 rebutted, "Then who was it? A Computer?"

L-650 and 3812 laughed - or at least gesticulated laughter - at his response, but the Detective shot back, "I am aware that there are no more races now than there were at the conception of the Fraction, but mayhaps there are others who're playing their own hand at a much bigger game. Our actions are letting our allies know this as we stand."

Listening to them bicker was entertaining, I must admit, but it wasn't exactly productive. I turned and headed out, following the path that Plungerman took just two nights ago. I arrived in the Scientist's personal office, its floor still scorched where Knifeman was... you know what happened. There was a team of Engineer Cameras securing hooks to the carcass of the Scientist, hooks that were attached to wires leading to a Speakercopter. I stepped to them and waved, "It's taken this long to move the geezer?"

They all looked at me in-sync, saying at once, "Lots of work. Many battles are being fought, lots more work. Almost not enough to go around."

"Right..." I replied, "Do you mind if I check the body for a sec?"