The blue-eyed raven (Rivamika fanfiction)

CHAPTER 22

The music abruptly changed into something more wild and intense. My body was quickly beginning to dance more wildly, but I didn’t feel relaxed. It was the opposite.

I was starting to feel like my whole body burst into flames, stretching to the ceiling more and more, with every move I made. The beat from the stereos echoed around the walls from the basement as I slowly lost focus around me. I was beginning to move as a wild animal, wiggling my hips and lifting my hands like I didn’t care. Everything around me moved in slow motion, Jeans gaze on me, looking like he was about to eat me, some people around yelling my name, others doing their own thing. I saw Eren leaning on to the wall next to the music table, his eyes gazing in my direction. He looked amused to see me get along with the party so well, but something in his eyes sparkled concern. As if he wasn’t sure to go and protect me or just let me be wild for one night.

But I didn’t need him now. I was already lost among others, trying to look enjoyable when I was losing my mind and breaking apart like a plain paper. As I was dancing, it wasn’t because loved to, but because I needed to. It was all like a raging ball of fear, blasting on me with all its power and all the sudden. The memories from before, me kicking and breaking my previous classmates.

Ugly, freak, shadow, stupid... I was all of that.

As I was spinning around on my spot, the room around me disappeared and I again saw the hateful looks of others, making me feel as if I was nothing compare to them. But then they all disappeared and I saw Eren, looking at me with those sparkling face of kindness, handing me his red scarf. He looked so young and vulnerable, but yet again he appeared grown up and strong with his brown hair slightly longer, his face sharp and elegant as he taught me how to fight, how to be cold and unreachable. And then others appeared - the group of people that like me without knowing my awful past. They were all smiling at me, showing their support, Marco telling me about wrestling, Ymir hanging around Christa’s neck as Armin yelled at Jean and Eren fighting and Connie and Sasha just cheered and ate food like wild creatures. They all looked so happy among each other, like true friends, trusting one another completely. But then again, they all disappeared in a quick flash, like leaves drown away by a light blow of a wind. There was darkness around me as I span endlessly and a new, smaller figure stepped out like a bright star on the untouchable sky. I recognized him immediately - those strong midnight raven hair, pale and fragile skin. Sharp cheekbones, dark eyebrows and long lashes made him perfect just the way he was. His eyes were droopy, but didn’t look dull at all. They were shining with anxiety in a blue ocean kind of way like eyes of an angel. He wasn’t looking broken and ill, he simply smiled and lifted a hand towards me. His mouth didn’t open but I heard him whisper only an inch away from my ear.

Trust me. Princess. Sleepyhead... All of that.

Suddenly, I felt my stomach tighten as it was turning into a black hole, sucking my feeling in. I was still spinning, but my breath was heavy and i felt like someone shot me. Pain crawled over me, from head to toe, exploring my veins and organs. Shutting my eyes was the best I could do, since I couldn’t stop my feet. But Levi was still there and his voice echoed in my head.

What's your story, brat?

His voice was low and gentle, but was quickly joined by others, louder and rougher ones. They started spinning in my head like a tornado, ripping Levi apart. His raven hair turned dark and messy as his eyes turned iron and dull. His shirt started ripping itself apart, showing of the wounds across his chest, again filled with blood. He opened his mouth in unclear shock, like he was stabbed by the voices.

I wanted to shout and my lips separated, but no sound came out of my throat, only pain increasing for the both of us.

What is wrong with me, suddenly my voice stood out from anyone else’s, which sounded like waves hitting the beach. Why do I feel ripped apart? Why am I acting like a fool if there is nothing wrong with me?  Levi suddenly disappeared and darkness surrounded me with the echoing voices.

I'm so stupid, I realised since I felt on the edge of bursting out. It was like last year all over again and I couldn’t hide from it, couldn’t control it. But yet again, I remembered Levi’s broken expression clearly.

And that was the only reason I couldn’t stop spinning now. He never told me anything about him, anything at all. He was always cold and arrogant but I never knew why, he never opened himself. And now he came here looking like that and I couldn’t simply go to him and ask him what was wrong, just because I knew Eren wouldn’t like it. But is that good enough to leave him running around broken like this? He stood beside me, helping me open myself and relax, forget about my past while he was suffering himself, yet completely alone, no one there to help him. I knew he was cold and broken for a reason from the moment I came close with him on the roof, but he never gave me a chance to know why. And I never gave him a chance to tell me.

That was why I was lost right now. The realization. I was so not worth him, since I couldn’t made him feel better.

God, how could a person be so blind!

I was so naive, thinking everything was perfect. I suddenly felt my feet stop and the darkness around me disappeared, as I opened my eyes. I saw blurry figures around me, Jean stretching to reach me as I felt my body fall back. I was falling in slow motion, but I didn’t care. My mind was lost, my eyes watering with tears as I thought:

This world is cruel...

Only a few moment and I will hit the ground.

I am not perfect...

I felt my knees shook and the cold floor under my hands.

Anything around me will never be perfect... I thought sadly just before hitting the floor and falling into an abyss of darkness and shattered harts.

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-heya!

Greetings from Greece! My friend is saying hy to ya all :* I promised you to upload when I have the chance and this is it – sorry for the shorter chapter and kisses from the hot camp next to the lovely sea?

Idk hhh… comment or vote if you have any suggestions..

-bye!