Our Own Fantasy

ORV: It's Not Your Fault (Part 1)

Her screaming was let in deaf ears. You walked out of the visiting place with your face smeared with tears.

"I'm sorry."

Walking to your cell feels so silent and empty.

"I'm sorry."

You never stop whispering the apology. To your mother, your brother, and yourself.

For giving up.

At the age of 20, you let the material around your neck suffocate you. Not letting out a struggling sound or a cry of pain.

If given a chance to meet your brother one last time, you just want to say you love him.

He is an angel to you, a baby that you swore to protect the first time you met him in your mother's embrace.

Your little brother doesn't deserve someone weak and pathetic like you. Someone who chooses to give up.

Succumbing to the darkness and coldness, the ache and pain on your body could never be felt anymore.

For the last time, a smile crept up on your face.

~~~

His eyes turned hollow, looking down to see people who were happily playing. The wind brushed against his hair never made him feel calm.

It is suffocating; it is hard to breathe even when there are no restrictions for him to do so.

He was tired of the world and the people.

"I'm sorry, mom."

Being bullied, being chased by reporters, and being ignored by you, he felt like his life had been empty.

You are always the candle that is burning for him even in dark and coldness, no—you are more than that.

You are his star, that shines in his night. That never left him when father became violent.

The responsible one and the loving one. You are the one who made him want to live until today, but not anymore.

Not when you used the story of the family to make a book. Not when you leave him alone with mother to face the world. Not when you broke your promise to stay by his side forever.

Why can't he have a normal family? Why can't he have a normal house?

Where he could live with you and mother alone?

Is his wish too hard to be fulfilled?

He has given up after wishing too much. His star has gone, no—his star has betrayed him.

Kim Dokja felt bad for thinking of doing this when he still has his mother, who has been by his side.

Is it selfish of him to give up now?

To leave this world.

He was tired of beating. He was tired of people asking, labelling him the brother of a murderer with the saying he would become one in the future.

They don't know anything about you. He was mad at the people who insulted you when he knew father deserved to be killed and died.

What he was mad about is when you refuse to meet him and mother anymore.

Mother told him that you didn't want to meet anymore, even saying goodbye.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why did you do that?

He just wants to meet you. He just wants to talk to you.

If you were here, he would be able to survive the world.