Blind Critique

Scene Number Two

Hello Writer Number Two, here is your feedback for Blind Critique 2024.

I'm convinced this has also been written by someone who knows how to write. The pace is good and steady. Would like to see a bit more description and use of your characters senses. We know Danny isn't scared but how does he feel? What can he see, what can he smell? To please the Brits in this server, what's the weather like. They may sound like tiny things to add but they really bring scenes to life.

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Oh no! Poor kitty! I love the action and your main character. The writing is very good and I couldn't spot any grammatical mistakes, the writing flows very smoothly and pacing is great! If I would change anything it would be the second sentence to: It swiveled one ear toward him, then the other, forward and sideways.

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This looks a stuck and surrounded by a wild animal.
The writing was great- detailed description of each and everything and it was good. But a small suggestion would have been if there is too much of detailing of other things which overpowered the characters situation a little bit.

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"Obviously with so short a scene and no context, it's hard to tell exactly what the setting is of this story. However, unless movies are a known thing in your setting, the phrase ""slow-motion movie"" needs to be removed. It took me right out of the scene immediately. There was also some confusion here for me, regarding the last couple paragraphs. I had to reread and I'm still not sure if he was shot instead of the cat, the cat attacked him, or he jumped in front of the cat. This should be a really high adrenaline scene, but instead I just felt really confused by the end of it."

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It's felt a bit fantasy genre, your vocabulary was really good but I got kind of bored reading it, maybe you shouldn't add too much details but just enough for visualisation it will be amazing and will catch reader's eyes, the scene was quite obvious but it took too long to happen. However story is great.

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There's a certain tension in this moment, we don't know exactly what's going on but we can feel the anticipation of each character, as intriguing as they all are.

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Danny's confrontation with the panther is sooo good . The line "Yes, keep those teeth to yourself" effectively communicates Danny's fear, while also showing his cautious approach to the panther ,,,.. well written .....the scene is highly focused on action, the environment is well-described, particularly the shallow water and the trees surrounding the characters.why is Mickmi important in this scenario? if you add the lines to explain that reader's understanding of the scene will increase The pacing is excellent in this scene, The use of sensory details, particularly during the panther's attack, is well written

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I'm not sure if the first bit was written for the sake of this activity, but try to describe the atmosphere instead of saying that it's a full moon night if not. Besides that, the sheer detail within the fight scene is astounding and paints such a vivid image of the atmosphere and the events happening in a quick-paced succession. Kudos!!