Freak

// 16 //

IM SO FUCKING SORRY I TOOK LIKE A TWO MONTH HIATUS FROM WRITING THIS AND I FEEL TERRIBLE BUT IM BACK AND I'M GONNA BE UPDATING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE I JUST KIND OF LOST INSPIRATION IM SO SO SO SO SORRY.

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ALANA'S POV

the hospital room smells like someone who rubbed their entire body in frankincense. I sat there, watching Zane sleep and I wondered why there was no one else here. Why my parents refused to pay the bills so I had to get four jobs, why Beth shows her stupid face for like thirty minutes and it makes him so incredibly happy. If thats what love is, people are right, love makes you stupid. Mental hospitals aren't as bad as they are stressed out to be on tv and in books. There was more sanity here than at home so I decided I liked it here, anywhere i could go to get away from my parents was beautiful to me. As I had found out the other day while I walked around the hospital aimlessly, lost, the bathroom was down this corridor, one left, one right and it was on the left hand side by room 67 or something. So I quietly slipped away and to my surprise, I was right. I went in and sat on the sink counter with my back to the mirror and pulled out my bedazzled purple lighter. I had two black cigarettes  left in my pack so I just pulled them both out and threw the pack away. I lit the cigarette and brought it to my cracking lips, a sigh of relief escaped me as i pulled the cigarette away to release a swarm of smoke.

I heard someone in the hallway so i quickly shoved the second cigarette in my bra and ran into a stall before a woman walked in with her little daughter.

"Now, Janie stand right here while mommy goes potty okay." The mom said and propped her daughter where i was sitting earlier.

"No mommy don't go in there." the little girl cried. "the monster will get you."

"Janie there is no monster just stay there mommy will be right out." She reassured but Janie didn't seem convinced, she whined and cried but damn Janie's mom mustve really had to go to the bathroom because she opened the stall door and i heard it lock.

I was waiting for some reassurance that Janie's mother was there because for a while it was just quiet. No award peeing noises or opening of a pad. Nothing. I didn't hear anything.

"Mommy...?" The little girl called out but there was no answer so I opened my stall and sauntered out. The little girl had her back to me.

"Um hey are you okay?" i reached out and touched her shoulder. The little girl sniffled and turned around.

I screamed. Louder than I've ever screamed in my life. The little girls skin was torn and bloody, her eyes were red and her pink dress was covered in blood,

"They took my mommy." she said in a melodic voice. I screamed and cried but I knew I wouldn't get out of here.

I called out for Zane but I knew he couldn't hear me. I sat down in the corner, the little girl was walking towards me. I cried loudly and covered my eyes.

"ALANA."  I heard a deep voice call out for me but I couldn't lift my head. Its Zane, I thought, don't worry. I let him pick me up and carry me out and when i heard the bathroom door close i opened my eyes. It wasn't Zane. It was Finn.

"How did you get away from that little girl?" I shook with fear and Finn pulled my closer.

"What?" He looked down at me. "There was nothing in there."

I jumped out of his arms and opened the door. empty. what the fuck, i whispered to myself.

Then i turned around to face Finn. "uh are you here to see Zane."

"yeah.. I'm a bit lost sorry." He scratched his head and I looked down at the ground.

"Okay lets go." I waked past him and he grabbed my hand 

"hold on what the fuck was that?" He said turning me around. "thats not going without explanation."

I pulled my arm away from him more violently than I intended. "Im high. I hallucinated."

"share then." he extended his arm and opened his previously clenched fist.

I shook my head and walked past him, hoping this was the end of this dying conversation. I heard Finns dress shoes clacking on the linoleum floor and I walked faster.
I walked into the room and Zane was still asleep so I sat next to him and kissed his head.

"Beth was here." I said without looking up. Finn shuffled uncomfortably and coughed nervously. "I don't get it, everything is so rushed and sudden. like there were no sparks or talking it's just boom, she saved him and now it's endless fucking and marriage? it gives me a headache."

"That's how it was supposed to be with us." I looked up at Finn and surprisingly he was looking right at me.

"With Beth?" I asked and he nodded. "What part? The endless fucking?"

"Well yeah essentially." He chuckled shortly and his face returned to its serious stature. "She was mine. She had been mine for so long and I never pictured it any other way. And it was so fucking real, Alana, like we so for each other, you know?"

I nodded and pulled a straight face but inside, his poetic words were destroying me. Tears waited anxiously to be released but I held them back.

"Zane just wanted it and it happened." He sat down across from me, on the other side of Zane. "He didn't work for her. I gave her my everything, I proved to her that I needed her. He just expects it."

"oh yeah Zanes the worst guy in the world. At least he's never hurt me, that's where I draw my line." I was praying he wasn't dumb enough to mute out the salty tone in my voice.

"We're here for him," he gestured to Zane. "Can you just let some shit go for a while?"

"Some shit? Finn you're a fucking idiot and I'm glad you've acknowledged the fact you felt such deep, burning affection for Beth but accept it, my brother stole her from you and she's so much happier with him. get out now before I make you." I promise, I'm not on my period....

we argued stupidly back and forth for like 40 minutes and in the end, I'm the one that cowardly left but that's just because I didn't want him to see me cry. As I was walking out, I saw a boy standing in the middle of the parking lot, staring at me.

"Come with me." His voice travelled thunderously towards me. it was the same voice I had been hearing before. and for some reason, I couldn't fight him off anymore. I walked aimlessly towards him, to my untold fait.