want to change the world with me?

1

Gosh...my leg is moving, up and down, my soul can't breath peacefully, my heart is tight and won't let me rest,all blames are on me, my lips are dry and my mouth shout and that's why i am sick... because i can't do that anymore,Because i have to hide. Because i can't be myself anymore, i don't regonize me anymore. Please tell me, what did i become? A mental ill teenage girl? Who know,maybe,i am. Who knows i might be evil or it's just my imagination. Maybe all of this is just my dream or i might say nightmare. Temperature is going up from 37,8 to 38,7 degrees.  I'm all shaking,but i act like nothing is wrong with me. My parents.who i really love,are worried about me. It's all my fault. I still heard their conversations in living room,which is 7 meters away from my room. I heard mom crying, i saw her tears and that's what hurts me the most. Again it's my fault. Everything is my fault, if i could just go back in time. If i could just smile,If  i could just tell someone about my life. Can i share it with you reader? Can i tell you and to never tell anyone? Can i actully trust you? Can you trust anyone you know? Did you ever thougth about that? Did you ever got betrayed? Did you ever betray someone? If any of this situations happend to you, how did you felt? If you were betrayed...Did you felt any pain? Did your heart broke  in milions pieces? You probably couldn't get up from bed and couldn't wait a day to end. You were just thinking about where did a mistike was made. Am i right? i know that because a lot of people betrayed me... i still remember how i screamed at night, cried in bed and wasted my time on them. Because i was a fool.Heh.. and now i am, just in bigger size. I let people to use me, because i love to help, because i'm glad i can help. i still smile while it's a day,but nobody knows about my tears at night. I wish the day to come, when good will defeat evil, when evil left the world again, when all  of shits like cheating,drogs and cigarates leave. When killing,raping and betraying stops. Every night i wonder.. Why we became this? Why do we even exists? Why can't we change things? And let world again to breathe... If you betray somebody, how did you felt? DId you relase you made a mistike? Did you think about persons feeling? Did you tried to make it up or you were smiling witout regret? You probably hate the feeling you have. When you feel regret. When it starts to haunt you. When you relise it will haunt you your whole life and you know,a sorry won't help anything, because that person is dead inside, the soul left. I can't say, i betrayed one person...my ex best friend now. Sophia... It still haunts me because i didn't trusted her, because i didn't listened her, because at the end she was right... It's the worst feeling.. when you betray and you relise that... i will never forgive myself for that. I failed as a friend and let her go... i hope she is doing well, i heard she is smiling now, with new friends...but i know she will never trust anymore like she used to... Gosh, the more i writete the more i relise that everything in this world is messed up..  i still remember myself as a kid. i said i would save the world and people when i grow up. i said i wanted to be a hero. i said that with true smile on my face,but as i started to grow i relaise that it's imposibble, but somehow i still belive in my dream. To help people, to make them feel better,but at the end i just get broken and get that in return. I know you probably think i'm crazy and have an immposible wish,but why not to try? Why dosen't we all try? Why are we negative? Why we don't try to stop the evil? Why don't we try to stop bad things that are happening in world? Killing, cheating, betraing, lying... why do we need that? why can't we be just honest? Why can't we be good beings on planet? Why can't we tell person in eyes 'i like somebody elese' 'i love you' ' i care or don't care about you'? You probably relase what kind of person i am... Naive, kind and childish... well.. i will be honest with you...YES! YES I AM! SO WHAT!? IT'S BETTER THEN BEING STUPID, DEPRESSED AND NEGATIVE FOR NO REASON... i'm sorry i yelled.. i just want you to think...do you think that, if we all readers,kind people  and fighters in life, team up. Do you think we can chage the world together? do you think we can chage it at all? i want every opinion, i would love to hear any ideas. i would probably have happy tears if somebody agrees with me. Talk to me people that's why i am here. That's why i got born. Let's change the world!!