She's Just My Ex

The Stupid Promise

     She did it again. Zoe tried making me promise her something that I just couldn't promise her. She wants me to promise her to never smoke pot again, but why should I promise her that? It's my life, I should be able to do what I want without worrying about what the hell anyone thinks about it. The thing that really pisses me off is that Zoe always brings up the terrible consequence that came after the first time I smoked.

     See, what happened was that I was enlisted in the Air Force. After four years in AFJROTC and hearing my parents tell me that the military was my only real option after high school, I decided to give it a shot. Here's the other thing, I'm also an anarchist who likes to have his way and do what he wants, so since I was 18 at the time and hadn't tried pot, I took the opportunity when the girl I left my faithful girlfriend for offered.
     When I was with Zoe, she was always this positive influence, and since I was, at the time able to say I truly loved her and was also expected to respect her wishes, I never tried any of those "negative things" because I was supposedly better than that. Well, even after the one time I did smoke, I made it into Basic Military Training six weeks until I got kicked out for admitting to doing it that one time. Why was that such an issue? Well, because I had lied about ever doing it up until that point.

     Shortly after that, I was sent to the Lackland Texas Air Force Base med-hold center where I started suffering from self loathing. It got me angry knowing that just one thing ruined everything for me.

     After a few days at medhold, I called Zoe and told her what had happened. I said that as soon as I got sent back to Florida, I was going to avoid seeing my parents and her for at least two weeks. I planned on crashing at a friends house, or renting out a hotel room for myself to just sit and hate myself for not being able to finish what I started. I felt like a huge disappointment to her and everyone else who loved me.

     "I'm not disappointed in you Christian," she said with pain in her voice, "I still love you and I'm still proud of you, so please Christian, come home to your family. We want to be here for you through this difficult time."

     After a couple of weeks in med-hold, I felt better and decided I'd go home. The day after I finally got sent back to Florida, I saw Zoe and I missed her so much. She was so beautiful in her little Sundress that the minute we were alone, I kissed her big, full lips and quickly found myself laying in bed with her, penetrating the hell out of her.

     Days after, I decided to have a different point of view about my discharge from the Air Force. I figured "Hey, why not do everything the Air Force prohibited me from doing now." About a week after being home, I got my first tattoo with Zoe by my side- even though she didn't want me to get any before. Couple days after telling Zoe I didn't want to go to the beach with her because of mah tattoo, I went to the beach with this girl I used to date in middle school. Weeks after that, I hung out with the girl I left Zoe for behind her back and drank my life away. I lied to her but when she found out, she forgave me. Week after, on the 4th of July, I told Zoe I was going to watch fireworks at the mall, but ended up going to a party where I smoked my cigars, drank alcohol, and smoked pot again with the girl I went to the beach with a couple weeks before.

     That's what led to this night. That's why Zoe won't shut the hell up about that stupid promise. I rather be upfront and tell her to leave me the fuck alone to do what I fucking want than for her to bitch at me for breaking that promise she made me make for the better.

     She pisses me off. That's why she's still my ex and nothing more.