Dear Zayn

Day 1

It’s really hard without you. The days seem colder. The nights seem longer without you here. The boys try and comfort me but it isn’t working. It has only been a day without you by my side and it hurts. I can’t see your smile anymore. I can't even go in our bedroom without the memories of the nights me ad you used to lay there telling stories and laughing. I cant even bare to turn on the telly or go on the internet without seeing your face everywhere. I really miss you Zayn. The ring you gave me a while ago, when you said that this ring is for the future for when I’m down I can just look at it and remember the happiness that you give me, I am looking at it right now.  It is so beautiful, like you. Well I have to go I will talk to you later I promise.

Okay I’m back. Sorry I was gone for so long. The boys wanted me to talk to them to try and get me to open up. The last couple hours have been hard. I locked myself in my- no our room. I put on one of your favorite jumper and put a pair of your sweats on, they still smell like you. Zayn I really miss you if only I knew why you did this. But I hope you are looking down at me, watching me. Your mom came to our house after I called her crying. She opened the door right as they were taking you out the door. She stopped and looked at you. You looked so peaceful. When I found you I saw that you had, in your hand, a picture of us. I cried even more. Your mom gave me the biggest and tightest hug. All I could do Zayn was burry my head in the crook of her neck and cry. She was crying too. It only felt like ten minuets before I heard a knock at the door. When I looked up I was Liam, Harry, and Louis there with sad looks on their faces. Liam was the only one with tears going down his face. I know he was really close to you. I let go of your mom then went over to Liam. He said he would be there if I needed him and gave me this notebook to write down how I felt and said that it would be easy to get my feelings out. I love it because I get to talk to you. I gave him a big hug. I could hear a small whimper come from him.  When I looked up he was crying. I let out another tear going over to harry, like your mom he immediately pulled me into a strong hug and whispered ‘it will be okay’ in my ear. I don’t understand how it will be okay because you’re not with me. It will never be okay because your not here Zayn Malik. After that hug I went to Lou. He had tears going down his face looking at me. He pulled me into a hug and I tucked my head in his neck and let out all my tears. I told him I miss you so much, he said he did also. He let go of me and brought me into another room. He told me he knew it would never be the same without you he said he understands how I feel but I know he doesn’t he still has Eleanor. So I guess I’m going to get some sleep its late. I love you Zayn I will talk to you again tomorrow.