The Best Man {h.s.}

8

As Chloe and Ben step closer, I find my self wishing that I could disappear. My sister hasn't seen me with a guy in a very long time. Anyone I've ever had an interest in was always kept far away from Chloe, mostly because I don't want to deal with her 'judgey' comments and hear a million reasons on why I can do better. I made the mistake of bringing guys around a few times when I was in college and it never ended well.

I look up at Harry who is looking giving me a worried look. I want to kiss him once more to reassure him that it'll be okay, but I refrain. I don't think Chloe realized it was Harry until she got closer, because her eyes now look like they're about to pop out of her head. I don't even bother to look at Ben, because I'm sure he's giving Harry the same look. Chloe grabs me by the hand and pulls me away from the boys, and I want so much to fight back, but I know it will be worse if I do. I try to look back at Harry, but Ben is blocking my view. Chloe pulls me far enough to be out of sight and whips me around to face her, almost knocking me over.

"Are you insane?!" She asks me in a very pissed off tone.

"What?" I ask, still annoyed that she dragged me away like a child. Chloe closes her eyes and tries her best to calm herself.

"Do you know anything about Harry?"

I try to speak but she interrupts me.

"He doesn't date, Emma. That's not the kind of guy he is. Yes, he's gorgeous, and I completely understand the attraction, but he uses women."

The words really seem to sting when someone else says them out loud. As I think about the past few hours, it makes me want to snap at her, to tell her she's wrong. The guy I saw today is not the same guy from the stories that Ben has told me.

But what if he is? What if this is his way of getting close to me, only to cut and run as soon as he gets what he wants?

I sigh in defeat, unable to keep up with the constant back and forth happening in my head. To be honest, my indecisiveness is starting to drive me crazy. Chloe places her hand on my arm and I try to remember the last time she actually tried to comfort me.

"Look, I'm not telling you what to do. As much as I want to, you're an adult and you need to make your own decisions here."

Before she can finish talking I look at her with wide eyes, completely taken aback by what she just said. She laughs, completely able to read my face.

Who is this girl and what the hell has she done with my overbearing sister?

"I'm just saying be careful. Have your fun, do what you want to do, but be prepared to be alone at the end of all this. Happens every time." Chloe gives me a sympathetic look and walks back towards her fiancé.

My emotions are at an all time high. A part of me wants to just say 'fuck it' and enjoy my time with Harry for however long that may be, but another part of me is still holding on to my previous thoughts of staying away from him. I told myself a hundred times that I wasn't going to let him get to me before I met with him this morning, and yet here I stand, still tingling from his lips against mine.

I think long and hard about going back to join the rest of them, but I don't think I could face any of them without crying. Not necessarily because I'm upset, but because I've gone through every emotion in the book these past two days and crying is the only thing I have left.

As I walk home alone I feel a zombie. There's no life in my steps, just slow, mechanical motions of one foot going in front of the other. Today was the most fun I've had in a long time. It was the simplest of days, but the day was ours. We talked, we laughed, we kissed, sparks flew and everything in that moment was perfect. Well, almost perfect, until my sister had to swoop in and bring me back to reality. I feel someone brush my arm and I look over, hoping to see Harry, but instead a couple passes me holding hands and laughing about god knows what.

That will never be you.

Is that even something that I want? I had never really cared to be in a relationship before. Dating was okay, but to be honest I was fine on my own. So why am I so bummed out about this?

I reach my door and start making my way up the stairs. Before I get inside my apartment, I replay the memory of the night we met in my head. If I had just let him go, things would be so different. I would've spent my Sunday at home by myself binge watching Orange Is The New Black until I fell asleep. The thought of that feels somewhat comforting, somewhat safe. Being alone wouldn't make me feel the way I do now. It wouldn't leave me confused, or frustrated or sad.

As I close my door, it slams behind me and I jump, not realizing that I pushed it so hard. Apart from the couple passing me on my walk home, I hadn't really paid much attention to anything since I watched Chloe walk back to Harry and Ben. I slowly change into cotton shorts and an oversized Harry Potter Alumni sweatshirt before getting under my covers. A 'pinging' sound interrupts my blank stare at the ceiling and I reach over to grab my phone.

Harry: Goodnight, Emma.

I set my phone back on the table next to my bed without responding and drown myself in my dreams.