*EDITING* Point Of View 1 [*Do not read until you have read The Winner*]

54. What's left of you

*James*

We all come back to Nate's apartment, and Jonah gives us all a quick rundown of how things went with the psychiatrist appointment.

Shit.

It didn't go well. Bipolar? I know what it is, but I'm going to have to do some research to find out more. I hate that Julia shut down again while I was gone. And I ABSOLUTELY hate the fact that Hollan was here to comfort her. But this IS his house, and I AM grateful he is letting me come and go to see Julia whenever I want. 

He's a good guy. With a big heart. That doesn't mean I have to like him around Julia.

"I'm not sure what to expect moving forward," I admit to Jonah as we all sit on the couch.  Trisha doesn't have any questions, which makes me think she is either not concerned or she is more familiar with the mood disorder.

"It's what you've already seen from her. Really high highs and really low lows. The way she's all over the place and the way she shuts down. She can't control it. But I'm certain that once we get her on the right antidepressants and into counseling to help her cope, she will feel much better. Right now, everything is new. She's gone so long without medical care." Jonah explains.

"How, though? Why would she let it get this bad? Kinda selfish if you ask me." Trisha comments. I glance over her quickly and then back down to the ground. I get it. I can't be mad at Trisha.  She's only worried about Nate. And that's fine. But I also don't think this was a selfish move on Julia's part. I think this was her survival mode for so long. 

"You could say that.  I understand what you're saying. But in her case, I don't think it was selfish. I think it was self-LESS, I think she was too focused on caring for others that she may have put herself on the back burner. Now that she's all the way out here...by herself.... She's seeing it." Jonah tries to explain to Trisha. She just nods and starts doing her own thing.

I can't tell if she's uninterested or mental health just isn't something she's used to dealing with.

I decided to make Julia some food and go in and check on her. Jonah takes note of everything I put on the tray. Apparently, this eating issue of hers is a bigger thing than I thought. He needs to log in all her food, when she eats it, and how much. I almost wonder if the nurse realized what he was signing up for with all this work.

Paul sits on the couch and scrolls through his phone. Jonah sits at the dining room table with a bunch of files and folders, reading through shit, and Trisha helps me in the kitchen. We stand side by side, cutting up fruit to make a big fruit salad for whoever wants some.

"It's a lot, huh?" Trisha looks down at the strawberries while slicing them. It seems to be her go-to phrase these days.

"It really is. Think this is the right call? Having them discharged?" I swallow hard and put my knife down to look at her. She keeps her eyes focused on the fruit, though, while talking.

"I don't know what the right decision is. I just know those nurses were overwhelmed having Nate in the hospital and starting to get stressed out at him. All because he is who he is." She stops but stares at the strawberries. "Do you know what an awful feeling that must be??" Trisha looks up at me. "People being mean to you, not liking you, just because you're you?"

I sigh and nudge her with my body a little. "We did the right thing." I nod. I want to hug Trisha. I do. But I also don't want it to be taken out of context, especially with Jonah and Paul in the room.  Trisha smiles a little and understands that small nudge was my way of saying I'm here for her and that I get what she's saying. We both go back to cutting up fruit and throwing it in a big bowl.