Writing Snippets!

~ Breakdown ~

LONG ASS A/N:  This takes place in a fan murder drones universe with me and my friends characters. C2 just happens to be mine (the only reason im comfortable writing!!)

A few trigger warnings just because uhhhh :3

(I BELIEVE. Some of this may be incorrect because im not an expert, but I want there to be a warning just in case! :D )

Survivors guilt, Swearing, A drone jamming their own hands through their visor, Some suicidal ideation, and uhhhh i BELIEVE some other things so uh. 

If you're actually feeling depressed or suicidal, please seek out help! DO NOT BE LIKE C2- 

A SMALL amount of background that would help explain certain things about C2, but its not technically required to enjoy the story.

A Healer Drone -  A drone whose sole purpose is to heal an assigned drone. When this drones assigned drone dies past regeneration or copies, The healer drone is sent for dissasembly. Their nanite is filled with a healing serum and cannot swap their hands out for weapons.

The other characters in the story are her friends, the one shes talking to, Z7 is still fully concious whilst being a melted pile of goop. Though C2 doesn't realize this, and actively believes shes a corpse.

ANYWAYYY! ONTO THE STORY! (apparently it almost made one of my friends cry and the other sad. THAT MAKES ME SO GIDDY (please im not that weird-) 

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C2 would be seen sitting in the snow, near the muddled metal that used to be Z7. Or, well, still is I suppose.

C2 would go there often. She talked to who she thought was a corpse. It brought her a sick sense of comfort.

She vented out frustrations, grief, sadness, things that she'd never tell the real Z7. How much she misses her, how much she wished she hadn't run. How much she wished she had died instead of Z7 or B4.

" I don't know how to exist anymore without you. " She mumbled out, pulling her knees together as much as she could. A habit of hers, She'd make herself as tiny as she could.

" Barb, Samsara, The "new" B4 are cool and everything. Hell, Barb even gifted me a T-shirt from her band. " She continued mumbling, I suppose it didn't really matter how loud she talked right?

" But.. they'll never be you. " She choked out. She wanted to sob. Everything that she had been pushing away, locking away and bottling up had wanted to come rushing out as she spoke.

" They'll never comfort me the same way you could. They'll never care as much as you did. " She spoke quietly, still making herself as small as she could.

" I saw how you were when X3 took me. All because I had gone. "

Her eyes welled up as she placed her head onto her knees.

" You know how I feel. Don't you? " The tears flowed off her face into her jacket and shorts, staining them.

" .. You didn't want to lose me as much as I was- am. Still horrified that you're gone. " she wanted to chuckle but nothing came from it. Her eyes stared blankly into the floor.

" I wish I hadn't run from you. I hate that it's embedded in me to run. I fucking hate it SO much. "

" ... "

" Maybe if I hadn't run... "

" You'd still be alive now. "

" And maybe you would've eaten me or something. I don't really know.. Or care. " she kept talking, quietly.

" I wish you had. So at the very least, I would've helped you. "

" And I wouldn't have to deal with the pain I feel every day. It feels like something is eating away at my core and it hurts. " She placed a hand over her chest.

" Everything hurts. So much. "

" Barb and Sam and W dull it out but.. It still lingers. It hurts more when I'm alone. "

" I hate being alone. And it happens so often. " She lowered her hand, placing it back on her knees.

" They all have lives, I don't know where mine went. "

" ... "

" I hate how dependent I've become. " She lifted her head, looking back at Z7.

" I hate how I'm not even myself anymore. I became so dependent and determined to bring you back that I didn't focus on ANYONE around me. "

" Thats why fucking B4 TURNED INTO A REASSEMBLY DRONE. BECAUSE OF ME. " She yelled, tears splattering onto the metal of the ground, her voice echoing throughout the evacuation hall.

" And now.. He's back as someone who ISN'T him. "

" That drone isn't fucking B4 and I know it but I still treat him like HE IS. "

She placed a shaking hand onto her head, gripping onto it and her hair.

" You BOTH should be here instead of me. " She laughed, a maniacal laugh as she sobbed.

" I SHOULDVE DIED INSTEAD OF YOU, OR B4 OR ANYONE ELSE WHOSE DIED IN MY FUCKING PRESENCE! " She yelled out again, She had watched SO many people die, in front of her eyes. She had lived for 5 years in that bunker and so much of it had been trauma and chaos that.. That was all she knew. She found comfort in the hell she had endured.

" Is that all I bring?.. Death? " she quieted down to a whisper, her eyes widening as she spoke.

" Will Barb, W, Samsara eventually die just.. because they're with.. Me? " she quieted down, it was hardly above a thought.

" ... "

" fuck. "

" god FUCKING DAMNIT- " She held her head in her hands as she continued sobbing. Everything that she had been holding onto, came out. She was only a kid, how was she expected to DEAL with this?

She laid down into the snow, her face still covered in wet splotches as the tears stopped, her staring blankly at the ceiling.

Before she'd jam her hands into her visor, shattering it as glass impaled her hands as she'd become blinded.

She pulled her hands away as the visor repaired itself, granting her vision back.

" ... "

She'd just start crying again. The tears flowing off her face as she'd hold her hands there, she didn't know what to say, what to do, what to think. She hated every inch of herself. Every negative trait, every scratch, every new tear on her jacket, or shirt, or pants.

Why couldn't she have been a Z model? Someone POWERFUL! Someone WORTH caring about? And not someone..

" Weak. " She said, like she was talking as Z13, or anyone else who had called her a "Useless Healer Drone"

" I really am.. Useless. " She said, quietly again. You could hear a pin drop in the evacuation hall, with how quiet it was.

" Even after I forced upgrades. After I found the PERFECT parts. I'm still just.. As.. ... "

" ..... "

" Useless. "

" "Useless Healer Drone " " She repeated.

" Useless. Fucking. Healer. Drone " She repeated again, more aggressive this time.

" Why couldn't I have been someone better? " She asked. It was rhetorical but she wanted to know. She wanted to know why she was born a failure. A failure to her squadmates, to her friends, to her enemies. She was a failure to anyone he had known and she knew it.

She finally just laid further back into the snow, as if she were letting it envelope her. She curled together, shutting her eyes. She had somehow been more comfortable around a mess of melted metal and wires than real drones. She was able to take a short nap, trying to allow herself to calm down.