Anyway, I just want to remind my future self who might be reading, that today I remembered why the wait is so painful. About the bike. About everything else that requires patience. That requires time.
Because I wasn't eligible for any. It was always this thin and frail body chasing time, and I get it, it's the same for others, but at some point, the chase would have to end.
First it was a year. Then it became forever.
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I just realized that I am not acting the way I am supposed to be. Not in a moral way, or the comforming way of fitting in the society kind of way.
But it's unbecoming, between the way I act and the experiences I went through.
Supposedly, someone who went through a lot of pain would either be numb, stoic or angry.
But I go through all the phases and it doesn't change me. I still laughed yesterday, even when the past few years I endured should possibly have changed some of you, radically.
People might say, oh that's a good thing then!
I am not sure.
It's just that I feel like there's a missing puzzle piece somewhere here that I should be finding.
