If only you could see my heart https://archiveofourown.org/works/55134793/chapt

Kinda wished you were gay

"Well,it would be weird not to,he is the face of Barca youngsters,This initiative is greater than a petty rivalry we have.I just hope we don't cross paths in that sense.There will be 100 of us here doing different activities.We should be clear"

Jude didnt want to be clear.He wanted to see Gavi,naah,scratch that,he needed to see him.Ever since that game and their hug in the Nap room he missed his touch.His whole system took a 180 and the Hate he had for Gavi turned out to Want.He wanted Gavi.Not in a friendship way but in a way that scared him.Maybe it was just Lust but sometimes it felt more than that.It was greater.Not love obviously because that was stupid but still,he longed for him.When he heard Gavi was going to be there,he was excited.He couldnt wait to go.He needed to see him.He needed to talk to him.He wanted to Touch him.

Gavi was exhausted.He just travelled from Sevilla to Barcelona to New york in what seemed like the blink of an eye.He wanted to take a cold bath and sleep.He needed to reset.

"Lets go and eat,assess everybody who is here and then go sleep.."Fermin says as if he just read Gavis mind

"Can i just starve?my body cant take it anymore"Gavi complains

"Dont be a baby Gavi,everybody says you are stuck up and you not attending the first dinner will make people think its true.."

"Well you know i aint.."

"Ofcourse,but first impressions with the rest of the guys will be good.."

"I dont care what Vini thinks of me..He hates me anyways"

"You do know there is like 90plus other guys here right??not everything is about Vini.Even bellingham is here..Saw his IG post.."

"You follow him??"Gavi asks,suprised

"Ofcourse i do,on my banner anyways,he is a good baller..i admire him.

Gavi just snots.This will be a long week.

"Hey Vini,there goes your bestfriend and his minions"Rodrygo says dragging vini to where Gavi and his friends were seated.

Vini just shrugs."Lets go say hie to them,we dont want to be rude"

And so Vini,Rodrygo and Jude walks up to the table were Gavi and his friends are seated at.

They say their hello's and as they were leaving Gavi smiles at Jude.He didnt mean to,but he just did.Jude looks at him with the most cold hearted face Gavi has ever seen.He could literally hear his heart break.Somewhere in his soul he realised Jude actually hated him.All the kind,nice things he had made up just got shattered in seconds.As he watched them leave,he felt nauseous.He excused himself with a lie that he needed to call his dad to tell him he arrived safely.His mind was spinning.What just happened there??He smiled at the boy he thought he had a good rapport with and the boy just paid him dust.Looked at him like he is the most ugly thing he has ever seen.He felt like crying.

Jude Froze.He was caught off guard.Gavi smiled at him in front of his friends and he didnt know what to do.He couldnt smile back obviously because his friends would notice.That was stupid on his part considering Rodrygo and Vini put on their best fake smile to greet Gavi and his friends and he was just there,afraid his friends will know."Know what??" He thinks to himself.Nothing was going on with him and Gavi.They are not friends and he hasnt talked to him in any way, shape or form .He has in his head but that doesn't count. As he settles in his seat,he saw Gavi walk quickly through the side door.He was curious.What the hell is going on??instactly his body,mind and soul went into protection mode.He wanted to protect Gavi.Wanted to run after him and ask him what was wrong.He couldnt. Gavi needed to breath.He had to breath.He dont know what happened in there but his brain went into panic mode.He felt like crying but that was stupid.What was he crying for?a boy not smiling back at him??a madrista of all people.What a waste.Nico williams from athletico bilbao may have noticed him deep in his thoughts and just tapped him on his shoulder "hey,are you okay.." "iam great,just getting some air.." "ooh yeah,i was too but my boy just called me in there that dinner is ready,we should go back.." "Thank you" he smiles at him and the boy smiles back. See how easy it is bellingham🙄he thinks to himself.

3 whole days had gone by since the incident and Gavi was over it.Over him.His mind went to default mode.He didnt care about Jude.Not even in the slightest.He was happy here to his suprise.Everybody was open to him in a way he has never felt before.He got included in a lot of activities and conversation even without fermin and pedri by his side.As much as he didn't like Vini he was lowkey thankful to him for this event.People got to see the playful,funny part of him and he loved that for himself.He was probably gonna still keep in touch with a lot of guys here.

Gavi was avoiding him.It was clear as day.He would look somewhere else when their eyes met,he would walk away whenever jude would join his group for an activity or just banter.And when he couldn't walk away he would just stay quite.Once when they were playing basketball,he went on to give Gavi a high five and the guy just flinched and walked away.That bothered Jude.It bothered him a lot he had to tell his younger brother.He is the only one that could understand him at this point.

"You need to talk to him..its the only way to set your heart free.." His brother says nonchalantly which just annoyed him.Set his heart free??what does that even mean??

By the last day Jude was over it.This was childish as hell.Seeing Gavi even laugh with Vini but giving him the cold shoulder just pissed him off.He thought after what happened in the Nap room and him keeping it a secret meant they were atleast acquaintancies,but naah,Gavi just looked through him.Enough was enough,he was going to talk to him whether he wanted to or not.He was done being ignored by the only guy here that made his heart skip a beat.

"Hey,Pedri right??.."Jude asks as he sits down next to his "Crushes" friend who is watching some guys play fifa "No friends with you today i see...."

"ooh hey,i should be asking you the same thing.."Pedri asks smiling wide at him

"They went to the party,iam not feeling it.."

"Well,its not lit yet,i will join around 1am when the music is loud and the booze is strong.." They both laugh

"I was hoping to speak to Gavi...Uhmm..He has my glasses..Uhmm,i mean my brothers glasses..uhmm i dont know if you know but.." he mumbled and stumbled through his own words.

"ooh,Fermin is having girlfriend trouble and Gavi is helping him...He will be at the party though,you can ask him then."

Jude just nods.

"So Gavi is the relationship expert in your friend group i see.."

"Naah,he just lost a bet.." pedri laughs

Jude was curious.Was Gavi single??should he asks now??

"Do you have a girlfriend??"

pedrinjust blurts it out

"Me??" Jude asks suprised

"Well you are the only one iam talking to here.."

Jude laughs"sorry,your question caught me off guard.No..No girlfriend/boyfriend.Single as hell.."

"Oooh" a light bulb just went off in Pedris head. "I need to go and see if Fer is okay,it was nice talking to you bellingham,see you at the party"

"You too Pedri.."

He has fucked up.Jude has fucked up big time.He basically just told a stranger he was Bi.All because deep down he wanted him to know and tell his crush.Crush??he should stop talking to Jobe about Gavi.He didn't think he was his crush but Jobe said so and whatever his brother said was gospel apparently.

He remembers how the madrid locker room all too often debate about Gavis sexuality.Some said he was Gay because they have never seen him with a girl,ever.Some that claim to know him all too well claimed he was just private.Jude on the other hand Just Kinda wished Gavi was Gay.