Bokuakakuroken: And You Know For Me It's Always You (Three)

I Don't Know What I Want- So Don't Ask Me

Kuroo → Bokuto

Kuroo [2:47 AM]: Bo are you awake??

Bokuto [2:47 AM]: Kuroo???

Bokuto [2:47 AM]: Why are you awake right now??

Kuroo [2:49 AM]: I can't sleep lol

Kuroo [2:49 AM]: Why are you up?

Bokuto [2:50 AM]: I have a lot of missing work I'm trying to finish because I've been procrastination too much and my moms are pissed at me lol

Kuroo [2:55 AM]: Oh okay

Kuroo [2:55 AM]: I don't want to get in the way of that, you can go back to your work I'm sorry for interrupting

Bokuto [2:55 AM]: What?

Bokuto [2:56 AM]: Kuroo I'd much rather talk to you than do dumb homework

Bokuto [2:56 AM]: You're way more important anyways

Kuroo [2:58 AM]: Oh

Bokuto [2:59 AM]: ????

Bokuto [2:59 AM]: Is something wrong? Are you okay???

Bokuto [3:16 AM]: ???

Bokuto [3:16 AM]: I'm worried now

Bokuto [3:17 AM]: If you don't reply in the next five minutes I'm gonna call you

Bokuto [3:20 AM]: ?????

Bokuto [3:22 AM]: Okay I'm calling you now

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Kuroo couldn't turn his phone off, so he was acutely aware of every notification coming from Bokuto's texts as he ignored him. He knew it wasn't fair of him to start a conversation like this and then ghost Bokuto, but he didn't know what to say anymore. When the other man told him he was more important than schoolwork, he felt his chest flutter. He knew, realistically, Bokuto meant it in a strictly platonic way, but his brain had to betray him. He was really starting to think he might have feelings for Bokuto as well.

Akaashi was probably right about it all, he probably was polyamorous, but he just really didn't want to admit it to himself. His mother would completely shun him even more, and his father would probably lose any respect he had for his son's sexuality. He wouldn't be able to handle his father not supporting or understanding him. His father was one of his biggest supporters. He needed him, probably more than he needed most people.

Kuroo couldn't bring himself to continue talking to Bokuto when he knew he had feelings for him deep down, buried through so many years of just being "bros" and "best friends". He was completely certain that Bokuto wouldn't feel the same, so he knew realistically, he had to ignore all of this. If he let himself hope for even a second that Bokuto or Kenma could like him back, it would only hurt him more. He knew he couldn't handle that.

Tears stung at the corners of his eyes when guilt started to build up in his stomach, he really shouldn't be feeling like this. After the conversation with Akaashi, he had started to feel better, but the more time he had spent alone with his thoughts while trying to sleep, the more he'd realized that he still felt like shit. He couldn't really help himself though, he had a perfect boyfriend who treated him amazingly and was the absolute best- yet he still wasn't fully content within his relationship. Part of him was convinced that Akaashi had lied and was actually upset with him over all of this, but couldn't bring himself to express it to Kuroo.

The tears continued to build up until Kuroo couldn't keep them in anymore. He hated crying, and hated letting himself feel weak. At least though, he was by himself at this moment and no one had to know about it. It could remain his little secret that he, at the ripe age of 18, was most likely going to cry himself to sleep. All because of a stupid problem that he shouldn't even be having, that he could control.

When a choked sob finally made its way out of his throat, his phone started buzzing, telling him that someone was calling him. He shifted around to grab his phone again, knowing who it was already. Of course Bokuto would try to call him. When he saw from the caller ID that it was, in fact, Bokuto, he frowned and tried to wipe away his tears.

Logically speaking, not answering the call would make Bokuto way more concerned. He didn't really care about that, he couldn't risk Bokuto hearing the tears in his voice if he answered. He just stared at his phone as it continued to ring, he didn't have the heart to decline the call, nor the courage to answer. Once it stopped ringing, multiple texts from Bokuto were coming in.

All Kuroo could do was sigh as he stared at them. He knew he should answer, he knew he shouldn't ignore one of his closest friends, but he didn't have the inner courage to do anything about it.

It wasn't until Bokuto's caller ID popped up again that Kuroo felt the guilt. He knew he needed to answer, he was just terrified. He ultimately decided he couldn't leave Bokuto hanging anymore, and he cleared his throat, wiped his tears, and hoped he could play this off as if he just fell asleep.

Once he clicked the accept button on the call, it took a few seconds for Bokuto to realize that the call had been answered before he spoke up, "Kuroo? Shit man you scared the crap out of me what's-"

"I'm okay," Kuroo interrupted him, internally cringing at the obvious crack in his voice paired with the eagerness to claim he was fine. He knew that there was no way Bokuto would believe him based on how he was just talking. He silently cursed at himself, frustrated he wasn't able to cover up his emotions. He was 18 years old, he shouldn't be acting like this. His mother would definitely be yelling at him if she saw this.

He heard the very audible huff that came from the other side of the call that was followed with a very confused, "Are you crying?"

When he sensed the concern laced in Bokuto's voice, he choked up even more. The thought of worrying the other boy this much for something so stupid was extremely upsetting to think about. He hated the fact that he wasn't able to control his own emotions in moments like these. He knew he should've replied, he knew he should've at least said something; all he could do was stare at his phone, watching the time counter on the call go up.

"Kuroo? Are you there?" Bokuto seemed almost frantic in the way that he was talking to him. Kuroo really should say something in return, he knows he should.

Bokuto did seem extremely worried, only causing Kuroo's guilt to build up even more.

He tried so hard to keep it in, he tried so hard to not breathe, but in a moment of weakness, a wretched sob croaked out of his throat- and he knew there was no way that Bokuto didn't hear it. Kuroo felt his stomach drop, he knew this would only worry Bokuto even more, which he really, really didn't want.

His fear solidified when Bokuto alarmedly said, "Kuroo?" When Bokuto got no reply for around thirty seconds, he simply muttered, "Fuck," under his breath.

Kuroo now had a hand covering his mouth, trying so desperately to keep his sobs in. He knew logically there was no point in hiding anymore, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't need Bokuto thinking he was this weak and pathetic, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Bokuto spoke up again, a frantic tone to his voice, "Kuroo, do you need someone there with you," he paused seemingly thinking before adding on, "I guess I could maybe go to yours I just might get in a lot of trouble, it is three AM, so I'm not really sure what I can do but I can try to-"

Kuroo couldn't take Bokuto's anxious rambling anymore, and decided to try and talk again. "No, you don't need to... you don't need to come over," the shakiness in his voice wasn't as bad as he was expecting, but it cracked when he added on, "please," he sighed, "I don't, I really don't need you to see me like this." He didn't need Bokuto knowing how bad it was, but his answer was pretty obvious: Kuroo was not okay right now, and Bokuto definitely knew.

Bokuto's heavy sigh was clearly heard over the phone as he said softly, "I'm going to go talk to my mom, see if I can convince her to let me go over right now."

He didn't even give Kuroo the chance to say anything before he hung up on the call, only causing Kuroo to sigh. All he could do at this point was wait for Bokuto and try to calm his tears down. Even though Bokuto knew that he was crying, he didn't need Bokuto to actually see him cry.