I Needed Saving

Chapter 1: Losing

"You mean they can't even give us five minutes to talk to him? To say our last goodbyes in case he doesn't make it?" I retorted with fury. This seemed to shock the family as they stared at me with blank faces. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable. "This is ridiculous," I uttered, and of slight embarrassment as well as disbelief, I walked away.

A horrible mix of feelings stirred in my gut that made me feel sick. I felt like I had a fever or needed to puke due to the anger, confusion and shame. I simply couldn't understand why I couldn't see my best friend who had suddenly started suffering from a horrible killer disease and could die at any time.

We had been friends since kindergarten. Although we weren't in each other classes every single year, we would always be in the same year group and we spent so much time together. There is not one sport I haven't played with him at least once before. I have played soccer, football, tennis, baseball, badminton, golf, hockey, volleyball, most of the track sports and even polo: all of which I have held a game with my best buddy. The sport I played the most with him and individually was basketball. This may be exaggerated, but I don't recall a single day – before he was admitted to hospital or when I was recovering in hospital of my own injuries – that we didn't play basketball together.

I did regret raging at his family, even though I didn't mean it on them. But I just couldn't handle the fact I hadn't seen him for a whole week. I never knew what to do when I got angry and couldn't smash someone's head off. So I had no choice but to walk away, even though I was walking further away from Jake.

I had walked to the main entrance of the hospital. I walked outside to take in some fresh air and sat myself down on a bench, facing the parking lot. A man was taking in long drags off his cigarette a few feet away from me. I saw tears in his eyes. I started wondering whether smoking helped him forget whoever lay on a hospital bed that he cared about, dying.

I had tried smoking once, but hated it. Some of my friends usually went out during lunch, outside of school to smoke. Jake and I would stay at school since neither of us had interest in the habit. One time Jake wasn't at school, he had to go to his granddad's funeral. So I followed the gang to a quiet place in the forest surrounding the school and they persuaded me to give it a shot.

And so I did.

I didn't know what to do with the smoke that entered my mouth. I felt my lungs would die if I took it in. But I couldn't embarrass myself in front of my friends so I awkwardly swallowed it in, letting the smoky warm air travel down my throat and it felt like I set fire to my lungs. I didn't want to take another drag and I was glad my friends didn't mock me for that, or else I could die of embarrassment.

"I am surprised you don't smoke often bro," Erik, one of my friends from our gang said, after I hadn't shown any signs of having a throat drier than the Sahara desert that was in need of gallons of water.

"Yeah well, I know it would interrupt my healthy lifestyle, like keeping fit and all." I paused, keeping my head cool. "You know me."

"Yeah dude. I understand, but like, I still made it through this year's selections and I am a fine quarter back, ain't I?" He placed his cigarette into his mouth but didn't do anything. He took it out and blew the smoke straight out.

"I guess. But it's the only sport you play. I mean, I play so many other sports and can't have my health plummeting to the ground if I want to keep up all my work," I had reasoned.

So that were my two reasons I wouldn't smoke. It's unhealthy and disgusting.

"I've also never seen a guy smoke and cry at the same time," a feminine voice said from behind me. I sensed somebody sit next to me. It was Jenna, Jake's sister. We'd talked before, exchanged some greetings and jokes, held some small talk, but I had never really got to know her. "It's funny because nobody really does that and it makes him seem special, like the smoke in his body turns to vapour and exits through his eyes."

I was quite surprised by what she was saying. It showed a lot about how she thought, and it was very unique. Just like how Jake would think. It sounded nearly like she admired it, which she probably didn't. But it was that she was fascinated, like how Jake would talk about all the many stars in the universe, about light years and how looking at the stars is like traveling back in time.

"Yeah," I said, not knowing exactly what to say.

"Well, I shouldn't be the one saying this to you, but it seems like having Jake in hospital is very hard for you to handle."

I thought about those words before responding. "No, it's not hard to handle. It's just that I miss my buddy, and it was all quite sudden." I could've raged again but I chose not to. I wouldn't let a girl frustrate me.

"Yeah, I understand." Of course she understood. It must be harder for a sister to go through this than a best friend. It was her brother. On the other hand, he was like one to me too. For once I actually started thinking of Jenna as a person. It's not like I hated her, but I never really knew her for who she was and she was surprisingly interesting for the words she said about the crying smoker. My mind became dizzy at the thought that I probably seemed like an emotional wreck in her eyes for having Jake's seclusion influence me so much to an extent I created a pretty rude image in front of her and her parents.

I couldn't look like I had doubt in myself. "Oh well, I guess I can shoot some hoops by myself. I will just miss that opponent player."

Jenna's expression changed from a slightly sad face to an annoyed face. "You're saying that as if he will be dead no matter what. Don't you have any hope?"

I didn't know how to respond to that one. After a while I said, "No, I am just preparing myself for the worst, if that happens." I could feel her eyes glaring at me and then focusing on my face to observe my response and process the information thoughtfully. I hadn't been fully looking at her while talking, so I tilted my head towards her. She was indeed staring at me, deep in thought. We were staring at each other for what felt like minutes.

"Well, best say that the doctors can kill those cancer cells and so you won't have to prepare for the worst," she concluded as she patted my back, resting her hand on my back while she let out a deep sigh. Then she got up and walked away.

I guess she was right. But there are a handful reasons why she was actually wrong. For example, it's always good to prepare for the worst, in case that happens. The worst barely happened to me though. I had a whole bunch of medals and trophies in my room, displayed at my window so I wouldn't have to be the only one laying my eyes on them. So perhaps she was right. I didn't need to prepare for the worst; it never happened to me anyway.

So I continued hoping he wouldn't die.