𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓭𝔂| ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇꜱ ʙᴏᴏᴋ 4

Weighing Up The Words| Request

AN: This does feature negative self-image and an awful experience with an asshole of a doctor, but things do resolve and it does have a happy ending with comfort from Leon.

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Leon parks the car outside of the doctors office before taking my hand in his, his thumb brushing over my ringed finger. "Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?" He asks, a small reassuring smile curving his lips. I take a deep breath, glad that he senses my worry and fraying nerves. I've never liked visits to the doctor, even more so the annual checkups, but it's worth the thirty minutes of poking, prodding and personal questions in return for good health. 

I shake my head, forcing myself to be strong as I pull my hand from his, instead opting to lean over the console and kiss his cheek. "I'll be okay. It shouldn't take too long, I can text you to come pick me up-" 

"I'll wait here for you sweetheart." He affirms. I nod, taking another calming breath before getting out and walking into the building. I speak to the receptionist, letting her know I'm here so the doctor can call my name, then I take a seat and wait, feeling other eyes on me as I stare at the clock. My knee bounces, it isn't because I'm nervous about some health anomaly or anything, I just despise the part when the doctor has to weigh and measure me. I've always been self-conscious about the way I look, I'm not the skinniest of people, but I've worked hard since coming to terms with it, I've worked out for hours upon hours, losing a little weight and feeling happier about the way I look. It isn't much, but it's enough for me to feel more confident to wear pretty summer dresses where my small belly shows and enough for me to be able to wear shorts and show off my thicker thighs. Out of the blue the doctor calls my name, smiling at me as I follow him to the examination room. 

I go through the usual process of getting my blood taken then letting him take my blood pressure and heart rate, then the doctor does a few more basic things as I be the perfect patient, we sit for a while as he asks me some personal questions, but I begin to notice his mood isn't great. I answer each question honestly, but he always comes up with some kind of retort or comment to make, it frays my nerves further until I'm barely keeping a calm composure. When it finally comes to the final part of measuring and weighing me my palms are sweating and my lip wobbles. I suck in a breath, letting it out slowly as I step onto the scales and wait for him to take my height. I refuse to look at the number, I don't want to see if I've put on more or less. I know it's not a big deal, I'm a fairly healthy person, but if I were to look at the number I'd analyse it and obsess over it for weeks as I fall into a pit of self-loathing and despair. 

The doctor squints at the scales, tutting as I step off and frown at his response. "It's higher than I'd like, though I'm not surprised looking at you." His rude comment throws me off, my jaw drops at the blatant statement. I blink away tears whilst I hold back any excuses or retorts. He doesn't apologise or give any helpful advice before dismissing me, it's like he's taken his bad mood out on me and hit my most vulnerable spot. I grab my jacket, throwing it on before rushing out of the doctors office and back to the car. Leon's sitting with his head back against the headrest when I approach, some kind of rock music playing until I open the passenger door, startling him. 

"Jesus Christ-" He curses with a laugh, but one look at my wobbling lip and eyes full of tears and his expression hardens, brows knitting together as he reaches out for me and cups my cheek. "Baby, what's the matter? Did he find anything wrong?" I shake my head, a sob escaping me as I press my hands to my face. 

"Only that I'm too fat." I cry, shoulders shaking from the force of my hiccups. I've worked so hard for years to achieve what I thought was a good size, but now everything's crashing down again, leaving me vulnerable and shrivelling back into my shell. Leon sucks in a breath, a small growl escaping him as he grabs the door handle. 

"Fucking unprofessional liar." He grits out, but I'm quick to grab his arm, stopping him before he goes to give the man a piece of his mind. Leon looks to me, letting out a long breath as he pulls me closer to him, tucking me in the crook of his neck as we uncomfortably lean out for each other over the console. "Sweetheart, I'm telling you, you're not fat or anything that you think you are," He pulls back, fingers grasping my chin until I'm forced to look up at him with shining eyes, "I've seen how much effort you've put into reaching your dream weight, and I'm so proud of you, but you know that I'll love you no matter what."

I shake my head, "I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough." 

"Fuck that," Leon frowns, "you're perfect, and beautiful and healthy. I'm no professional, but I know that you've got nothing to be worried about with your size or weight. I love everything about you, from your thighs, to your stretch marks, to your stomach, they all make you who you are, which is a sexy goddess." I snort at his comment, lips lifting as if even he knows that felt cheesy but still kind of cute. "I'm serious baby, your worth isn't defined by some numbers on a scale. As long as your health is good, then you should be happy." 

I nod, still sensitive and shy, but Leon's words have soothed a place in my heart that's been needing balm for so long. I look down at myself, seeing my tummy and legs, but for the first time since booking my checkup I feel okay again, like I'm content with myself and how I look. My body can do amazing things, and I should be fucking proud of the journey I've been on- and am still on. I look back to Leon, giving him a sniffle and a smile as he watches me tenderly. "You're right, I don't need to worry about it." I softly say, putting my seatbelt on as Leon starts the car. His hand finds my thigh and squeezes reassuringly, despite my past negative views about my self and the ongoing battle I still find myself fighting, I realise I am good enough and don't need anyone's opinion about me, I'll look how I want to look and do what I want to do.