Echoes of Home

38 - Tsu'na

Yesterday was my shift bouncing at The Pit, after our demonstration for Sam. I sometimes see him looking at us when we are not facing him, either in the side of my sight or in the mirror behind the bar. He tries to ask questions sometimes. Husband's answer is often "classified", which he says is the word the government uses to describe something they do not want to talk to the public about. He does not say we are with the government. He is careful to not say much of anything.

In one of the earlier talks we had about living in this world, he said to me, "I forbid you to talk about anything specifically related to Eorzea." I did not like the idea of him forbidding me to do anything, but then he said, "Now please repeat that back to me."

This did not make any sense, but I decided to play along. "I forbid you to talk about anything specifically related to Eorzea."

"Cool. Now we can both truthfully say that we're forbidden to talk about where we come from or how we got our abilities or gear."

I do not understand why he finds some things funny, or why he sometimes seems concerned about saying true things. He once told me of something a scholar said: "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." Perhaps he is concerned we will forget the stories we tell if we tell too many.

Different people we meet are curious about different things. Mrs. Hartman asked me if I was "pregnant" because she had not seen certain things in the trash. When I said I did not think so, she asked what kind of "birth control" I use. I did not know what birth control was, but the way she asked it made me think it had to do with my body, so I told her that that was something I talk about with my husband. She seemed to accept that and did not ask me more.

Googling "birth control", along with other words she used such as "pads" and "tampons", gave me a lot of information about how Earth people make more Earth people, and how Earth women get "pregnant" from sex, and how Earth women, if they are not pregnant, have a "menstrual cycle" that involves pain and bleeding.

This menstrual cycle has never happened to me, and I do not remember women in Eorzea talking about it happening to them. If it happened to many women, even if it only happened to hyur, I think I would have heard. So perhaps this only happens to Earth women. But I am different from how I was in Eorzea. I do not know if I am now an Earth woman.

I think Husband does not know either. I think I now know why he has been waiting to have sex, that he is waiting to see if I have a "menstrual cycle", because if I do it may mean I can become pregnant, and have a baby.

I found links to videos about having babies. There is blood. There is screaming. I do not think I want to have a baby. Yet many Earth women seem to have babies even with the blood and the screaming.

I do not know if Husband wants a baby. I do not know if he wants me to have one. That he has waited to have sex may mean he does not want that. If this is what having sex may mean, I will wait with him for a while.

Sam looks like he has questions that he does not ask. He called us "weird" yesterday. He did not understand why I have a book with an elaborate metal cover. I think Summoners are not common in this world. Nor have I seen other weapons that relate to classes in Eorzea, though Pugilist weapons can be concealed. I have only seen what appear to be small guns that people wear on belts at their waist, though I do not also see aetherotransformers, so perhaps they are not guns.

Sam has not asked me many questions. He mostly asks Husband, or Husband answers when he is around and Sam asks both of us. I know I need to be able to answer questions, but I do not always know all of Husband's stories. I am finding new ways to say "classified" or "forbidden", or sometimes "personal".

Husband has come to The Pit on the nights it has been my shift. He has not interfered with me doing the job, just as I have not interfered on his nights. We need to each show that we are capable of the job so that the customers will know we will step in when we need to.

We have so far not needed to step in more than once in a given evening. After that the customers seem to remember we are there.

Last night's incident was brief but perhaps important. Husband had gone to the men's room. A fight between two men was getting started at a pool table. I got up from my stool and went to break it up. They were starting to grapple and punch. I grabbed a shirt in each hand and thrust them apart. The one at my left hand was still trying to fight, but punched me instead of the other man.

All the noise in the room stopped. The left hand man's eyes opened wide and he stood very still. The punch had hurt a little, but only slightly annoyed me. I turned to the man and quietly said, "It is time for you to leave." When he did not move, I added, "Now."

He nodded nervously. I let him go. He backed away and hurried out the door. I turned to return to the bar. I heard someone say behind me, "Uh...ma'am?"

I turned back. A bald man with a beard was holding my beret. "You dropped your hat." The left hand man must have knocked it off with his punch. I accepted the beret, nodded to him and went back to my stool.

It stayed quiet for a few moments, then I heard the murmur of the customers talking among themselves. As good as my hearing is, I could not make out any of the words until there were a few occurrences of the word "ears".

You dropped your hat.

I looked up from the book I was reading and saw in the mirror people either looking my way or talking to each other, or both. I glanced at Sam; he was watching me while polishing a glass. I took my beret off and set it on the bar. He met my eyes for a moment before looking down at the beer tap.

Husband returned from the men's room. I saw in the mirror that he looked at the hat on the bar, looked at me, then took the stool beside me. He picked up the beret and put it on. He did not ask any questions.

Neither did Sam. I think he wanted to.