𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡

𝐛𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞

angst + fluff

chuuya rushed to dazai's place, around five minutes ago the ginger had gotten a text, a concerning one, from dazai asking him to come over immediately.

usually that type of message would have a completely different meaning behind it, but for some reason today it made chuuya feel uneasy. like something was wrong. he didn't know what he was going to walk into when he got to his ex-partner in crimes house, and he was hardly even prepared.

he made it to dazai's house quicker than he expected, it takes around twenty to twenty five minutes to get there by foot. and since he was rushing he didn't think to take his bike, but managed to get there in exactly seven minutes.

chuuya didnt even knock, just slammed his door open. " shitty dazai if you called me here for something stupid i'll kill you. " he yelled out into the house. no response.

that was even more concerning. knowing dazai if it were something dumb he would give back some sassy reply. but that didn't happen.

chuuya ran around the whole house, checking every room, looking for dazai. for some reason he checked his bedroom last. that should've been the first place he checked. stupid.

he opened the door rapidly, he was met with dazai, sitting on the edge of his bed with his head hanging low. " mackerel what the hell is going on ? " chuuya asked in an angry tone. only calming down when he realized the boy in front of him was sobbing quietly.

the only thing chuuya could do was step closer, he felt compelled to. like he couldn't control his own body. " dazai ? " he asked quietly.

the said male moved slightly, resting his head on chuuyas stomach and grabbing his waist. " chuuya. " the brunette said in between sobs. " yes ? " chuuya replied, but dazai didnt really give an answer, he just repeated his name over and over again.

" dazai what's wrong ? " chuuya asks, taking off his hat and placing it on the bed next to dazai.

dazai simply got off the bed and dropped onto his knees in front of chuuya, " chibi please don't leave me, whatever happens please stay by my side. " dazai managed to utter out.

the only thing the other could do was stare, stare down at the boy who had abondoned him all those years ago, the boy who just up and left him all alone when he knew chuuya would struggle on his own. the boy who left him once, and came back, is begging him not to leave him. it's a confusing sight.

" that's ironic coming from you, dazai. " chuuya muttered out with a chuckle, and taking a step back and away from dazais embrace. the embrace that he loved and craved for on the daily.

dazai could only cry more, leaning his head forward against the floor, feeling so overwhelmed by everything around him. he doesn't understand his feelings, he doesn't understand life at all really. he's twenty two years old now, yet still feeling as lost as he was when he was fifteen years old.

" you're so confusing dazai, you hurt me sometimes, but other times you make me feel more loved than anyone else ever has. you left me when we were eighteen, my entire world ended the day i found out you were gone, but when we reunited for the first time in four years, you looked at me with a look of love. a look that i've only ever found in your eyes before. " expresses chuuya, his voice was so dull yet sincere.

chuuya pauses for a bit, dazai has gone silent. both boys staring at the floor beneath them, the shorter of the two then continues.

" do you love me or hate me dazai ? " chuuya says, slightly raising his voice, but its trembling. he was obviously on the verge of tears.

he couldn't hold his tears back, tears start to roll down his face as he drops in a crouching position with his hands covering his face. he didn't want to look weak in front of the boy he adored most, even if he didn't admit it, dazai was the most important person in his life.

dazai quickly snapping his tear stained face up when he felt the movement in front of him. he felt crushed, he felt at fault. which for the most part, he was. he knows he hurt chuuya, he hates himself because he hurt chuuya. he's hurt even more now because he just found out chuuya had the impression that dazai hated him.

how could he hate the boy he knew he fell in love with on the first day they met ?

sure they argued constantly, but they had their own sweet or just calming moments too. moments where they could be vulnerable around eachother, where they could actually be children and feel like the kids they weren't allowed to be.

dazai swooped chuuya into a hug, holding him tighter than he ever has before, as if his boy would disappear if he let go for even a second. chuuya wrapped his arms around the others neck, crying into his shoulders.

" i could never hate you, chuuya. " dazai whispered into his ear.

they sat there for a couple minutes, both calming down from their melt downs. still holding eachother as if this is gonna be their last time being together.

" you know chibi, the day we met, and i told you i loved you, i wasn't joking or trying to mess with you. i could just tell you would mean everything to me. and i was right. even after i left the port mafia you were all i could think about, there was not one day that would go by where you didn't come to mind. it's so hard to be away from you, i want you by my side constantly, every second of the day. i want you, and i need you with me chuuya. i regreted leaving you that day, i wanted to turn back and take you with me. but i was to afraid you would hate me, so i just kept on and left. i'm so sorry chuuya. you're the most precious thing in my life, you're the only thing keeping me alive. and if you ever left me the way i left you... i don't think i would be able to handle it. " dazai admitted everything right there and then. he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders, he couldn't keep that from chuuya any longer.

chuuya just pulled back, and stared at him silently. in just seconds he started crying once again, putting his forehead against dazai's and repeating the same three word scentence over and over again.

" i love you. "

dazai was shocked, but so happy at the same time. for the first time, he felt complete. " chibiko i love you too, now please stop crying. or i will start crying again " he said while whiping away chuuyas tears.

without a second thought chuuya just kissed him. dazai was quick to kiss back. they've kissed before, but those kisses are more so lust filled. this is the first kiss they've shared with more passion and love than anything else.

it was euphoric.

" i promise i will stay by your side for as long as you want me to, you bitch. "

//
please tell me if there's any grammar mistakes !! idk why i decide to write these super late at night🙀