My heart felt hollow and numb. I still haven't recovered emotionally from my confrontation with Criselle, but my mother paid no attention to the pain I'm feeling as she continues to berate me for what happened earlier. I regret going home. I should've gone to Maven's house instead.
“We expect nothing but the best from you and yet this is what you're doing? Cheating on your exams? Is this how you plan to repay us for all our hard work in raising you huh?! You ungrateful–”
I cut her off in anger. “I told you a hundred times already! I did not cheat! Why won't you just listen to me for a moment instead of shouting like a lunatic!”
“How dare you!” Mom slapped me. Hard. As I tasted the blood from my lips, tears immediately formed in my eyes.
My mind went back to what happened when I was in Grade 6. It's still fresh in my mind. How I showed her my first ever failed score in an exam in Algebra. How she tried to control her anger and failed. How she slapped me, pulled my hair, and shouted how much of a failure and disappointment I am to her. And how whenever I think of this moment, my fear of failure nearly suffocates me to death, imagining how my mom will beat me up again.
And that's when I broke down. My heart has never felt this heavy as I fell down to my knees. I sobbed as I let out the pain that I've been bottling up inside me for years. I mourned for my wrecked relationship with Criselle, and mourned for the little me whose spirit was broken the day she knew what failure really meant for her.
I ran up to my bedroom and ignored my mom’s screams–telling me how rude and disrespectful I was, telling me to go back down there this instant. I ignored it all. Just like how dad is constantly ignoring me and just lets mom get away with hurting me. On some days, I’m even more afraid of him than I am of mom, during the times he comes home frustrated about his job. How both of them just see me as this convenient punching bag where they unload all their frustrations at me–like somehow it's all my fault when things go wrong, even if I didn't have anything to do with it in the first place. How they constantly ingrain in me that being disciplined like this is only normal so that I get my shit together. Well you know what? I’ve had enough.
I kept quiet and endured it all. I cried myself to sleep many times because of them. I tried so hard to become their perfect daughter whom they hold to such a high standard. But why will I continue being their “beloved daughter” when they can't even be proper and nurturing parents to me?
My head throbbed. I’m so fucking tired. Drained. Exhausted even.
I’m tired of living up to everyone’s expectations. I’m tired of trying my best to meet those said expectations–and when I fail, I get severely punished for it. I’m tired of being the punching bag in this house. I’m so tired of dealing with everyone’s shit.
──❀̥˚─ - ─◌──❀̥˚──
I tried everything to keep my mind occupied. I don't want to dwell on it anymore, and so I kept trying to distract myself. With no avail.
In frustration, I thumped my head against my headboard. At this point, my tears keep falling, and I don't bother to wipe it anymore. Yet something on the bookshelf caught my eye. I don't know why my eyes landed there. I wiped away my tears to get rid of my blurry vision and then I saw the book ‘Tomorrow, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow’ by Gabriel Zenin. I smiled as I instantly thought of Maven. He would've loved this book, just like how much I loved it. And maybe even more.
Maven.
Maven.
I hurriedly took my phone and even fumbled it while calling him. Please, please, answer.
“Helloooo? Mina, are you there?”
I cleared my throat ‘cause it was already hoarse from crying. “Hi, Maven.”
“Hey, what's wrong? It sounds like you’ve been… crying? What happened?! Please tell me. I’m getting worried.”
I don't know why but the moment he said that, my heart has never felt so raw. You can clearly hear the panic in his voice. You can see how much he cares for me. You can even feel my heart healing itself a little when it learns that somebody out there is actually worried for my being.
I fought the urge to cry once again. I covered my phone for a moment, and took deep breaths to compose myself.
“Oh uhm. Nothing's wrong. I just…” wanted to hear your voice so that I can stop myself from spiraling down further. “...wanted to hear about this new book you've been meaning to tell me about?” I tried not to but my voice cracked at the end.
He was silent for a minute.
In a low voice, he whispered–just enough for me to hear. “Are you okay?”
I wanted to reassure him–to tell him that I’m fine, but I can't trust myself to speak or else I might cry once more.
It's just that… when someone is being kind to me, or comforting me when I'm down, it always tends to have the opposite effect–it just makes me sadder.
“Minaaa, talk to me, please?”
I don't know why but I just felt so pathetic at that moment. With one question, he managed to open my waterworks again. So now I’m just softly crying and sniffing–all while shaking my head, knowing that he can't see me anyway. In short, I’m a mess.
Maybe when I’ll look back at this moment, it will just be a memory for me to cringe on. It will be mortifying to remember that I cried like a banshee while on a phone call with Maven. Soon. But now, these feelings are all pouring out of me and I can't stop it. It's painful. All those years of bottling up my emotions, and pretending that I was fine, finally caught up to me. And I just exploded. Like a dam.
With a careful voice, he spoke. “I think you need someone to be there with you. Help you get some things out of your mind. So I apologize if this is so out of the blue but… do you, maybe, just maybe, want to meet me at 7/11? The one near your subdivision in…” He paused for a moment. “...about an hour from now?”
For the first time in hours I finally managed to smile. Why does he have to be so adorable? “Yes, I’d love that, thank you. And see you.”
°•
°•
──❀̥˚─ - ─◌──❀̥˚──
°•
°•
End of Chapter 8.
Thank you for reading! Your votes and comments are truly appreciated. ♡
YOU ARE READING
Book Lovers
Short Story─❀̥˚─ a short story, written by jalaxiez ─❀̥˚─ Karmina Rayne Cuevas and Maven Callejo are both senior high students, trying their best to navigate their academic and social life as senior high students. They don't exactly see eye to eye at first, bu...
