The Diary of a Depressed Girl

The Lights In the Darkness's.

(I accidently deleted the other story. Because I'm stupid so yeah...)

I was sitting under the tree, in a small town called Roach. It was about 1 1/2 from where I live. I was there because of church camp. But I remember spending most of my time alone. Not wanting to talk about which boys the girls thought were cute. So I sat under a tree, be a 3 inch deep decorative pond. I watched people walking by hand in hand, laughing. I looked down at my hands, the only thing that around them was the lonely air. I wish I could go back and live in that moment. The world was peaceful for one second. No one telling me what to do.

I drew a picture of what I could see from the rock and I have it in a journal to remind me that one day I will feel that way again. Sure in that moment I felt lonely, but I also felt free. Freedom is something I don't have a lot of experience with. But I remember being brave for the first time, I finally got the nerve to make fun of the guy I liked. I remember actually feeling like I had control of my life. In that moment I didn't need cutting or pills, all I needed was to look around at everything, and for that moment I was happy. It did fall out, things got worse once I got back home, but it gave me hope.

A month after that I had another moment that I wish I could live in. Me, my brother and his friend went to the Stockton Lake. We hiked through bushes and weeds and fallen trees, but we made it to where the water hit the shore and it was completely beautiful. I remember being so happy that I was trying to skip rocks on the water while they were laughing at me and fishermen were giving me an evil eye. There was bad to this. I fell for my brother's friend and that ended in heartbreak and crying nights.

The most recent one was when on one of my instagram accounts I got a comment from a guy who I didn't know. He asked me DM him. I wasn't going to. Then he DM'd me and as soon as I saw him I fell for him. Our love was chaotic, but thrilling, and amazing. But in the end life has its way of helping you keep happiness. So after his wild eyes focused on another girl, I was broken. But happiness came back around when we then became best friends.

So while all of these have sadness intertwined with them, they all have happiness.

Life is about looking to the Brightside.