Stuart and Shrek divorce

The beginning.

Shrek and I have been a falling out recently, but I never expected this. I looked through the window of our mud hut and I saw him kissing Lord Farquaad. His ex.

I can't help but look at Shrek face as he kisses the cunt ass dwarf. I see no hesitation in his eyes. No shame. No regret. 

I look away. If I see that runt ass bitch again I'm gonna beat his flat ass. I'm gonna snatch that rank ass wig off of his bald head. 

I run back to my car.

I can't seem to drive away fast enough. The tears fill my eyes and fall down my overalls.

I can't see.

My car crashes into a tree.

I cant tell if I've died as I lose consciousness. If I did I hope Shrek blames himself. I hope he knows it's all his fault. 

He'll probably be happy. 

Now he can go back to his rank ass wig wearing inbred chin having 2'8" ass bitch.

I wake up. Shrek's by my side. That stank ass ogre. I don't know what I ever saw in him but I sure as hell don't see it now. I never even liked onions. Bananas are so much better but "The swamp doesn't have bananas Stuart, you'll just have to give them up." 

I'll quit eating bananas when you quit smoking that gross ass juul Shrek. The swamp doesn't have juuls either but you found a way, so you can find a way to get me a god damn banana you fucking bitch. I can see the juul in his pocket too, I bet he got the call and ran to get it. The goddamn nicotine addicted bitch.

'' Hey Stuart how are you doing?''

Rancid ass bitch.

''Fine.''

''That's good.''

Rancid ass juul smoking bitch.