Irrevocable [H.S.]

6. Open Book

My phone burned a hole in my pocket for the rest of the week while I anxiously waited for it to ring. I tried to carry on with life as normal, but I was quickly slipping into my old depressive habits.

The first few days after meeting with the vampire, I had been able to keep busy. There was so much to do: internationally mail my letters, set up meetings with potential landlords, clean out my room, donate things I no longer needed. I could almost hear the clock constantly ticking, counting down until my last moments.

My experience with James had been so quick. There was practically no time to plan anything aside from a single letter to Edward. Not making any decisions had actually been key to escaping Alice's visions. Now I was drowning in preparation, trying to consider every one and every thing I had to take care of in my absence.

Ayanna's letter still sat tucked away in my desk drawer. It would be the single item that I left behind when I moved out, waiting for her on my stripped mattress after I was already long gone. The hardest part of this week had been planning how to methodically break her heart. With Charlie it had been easy. He wore his lingering wound on his sleeve: my mother leaving him and taking me with her. All I had to do was reaffirm his worst fear—that he wasn't worth staying for. Ayanna would be much harder to convince.

She was effortlessly confident in herself. She knew her worth and didn't accept anything less than what she deserved. But she also loved just as fiercely, and likely wouldn't let me go without a fight. I had to play my part perfectly or she would see directly through my façade. I hated trying to design a plan that would stun her enough that I could get away and keep her at a safe distance.

Which was why I still didn't know how I would pull it off.

I put off the inevitable by focusing on step one: finding a new apartment that I could afford.

I sat by myself on the Tube, missing the solitude of my beloved truck. Friday's commuters were packed tight around me in the late-afternoon rush to beat the evening traffic. The heat from so many bodies packed together was enough that I removed my coat for the near hour-long commute to Peckham.

I had plans to meet a man who posted an ad to sublet his apartment for a reasonable price. It would come furnished, leaving me with one less obstacle to overcome. The commute would certainly be a drawback, but I reminded myself that it would only be twice a week at most. The route involved traveling five miles in the Tube and crossing the River Thames. But I could find somewhere else to study—if I even bothered to continue—and at least I wouldn't risk passing Ayanna's route. She would be traveling in the opposite direction, meaning I would only have to avoid running into her directly on campus. After combing through apartment listings all week, it was the only prospect that was worth visiting. I pushed the creeping sense that it was too good to be true from my mind.

My body swayed as the Tube crawled to a stop at the next station. Passengers filed out of the car, and I double checked my location against the map displayed across the wall. From my seat, I could see the time on the station's clock. 4:36. I had just twenty four minutes to find the apartment if I wanted to be on time for my tour. I needed to make a good first impression if I hoped to get this opportunity, and being late would surely not make for a great start.

I leaned my head back against the glass window and closed my eyes. Tension was spreading across my forehead and I tried to push down the anxiety crawling its way out of the pit of my stomach. I meant to move up my monthly appointment with my therapist, but it had slipped my mind with everything else going on this week.

I felt movement next to me as a new passenger sat beside me, having to squeeze in tighter than the last. Instead of stifling warmth, there was a cool sensation against the side of my thigh. It was almost like...