Patterns of Blues

Chapter 22

"Hey, we'll leave if things get too scary for you, okay? If those bad thoughts return, we'll go home and watch movies instead." Niall nodded and inched closer to her,

"I'm okay." She patted his cheek gently and kissed his forehead before standing up again.

"I'll go find our seats," Mr. Corden said, disappearing through a different door.

"Julia!" Someone called out as she giddily approached, "Who's this little man?" The lady was quite short and round and looked like she could have been a grandma. Niall shrunk back at her loudness but wasn't afraid when Mrs. Corden stroked his hand calmly,

"Hey, Beth. This is Niall, James and I met him on Wednesday." The lady, Beth, nodded along eagerly,

"Oh, how wonderful. 'Tis the season for adoption. Did you hear the news with the Romatzs?"

"Well, you know fostering's only temporary," Mrs. Corden replied kindly, as though to assure him that she wasn't taking him away forever, "And yes, Abigail called me just last night for advice. What a blessing this will be for their family."

"Oh!" Beth shrieked, and Niall couldn't help but flinch, "You know more details than I do then. Tell me, how old is the child?" Mrs. Corden noticed him retract and drew him closer,

"It's really not my place to give out information about their situation. Excuse us," She led Niall away in the direction Mr. Corden had gone, mumbling 'Lord, give me patience'. Through the door was an incredible auditorium, hundreds of seats sat out surrounding a large stage, though many of those chairs were empty, and he reckoned that they were early.

After about ten minutes and five introductions to people with names he knew he'd never remember, strangers started flooding into the auditorium, and a man hopped on the stage and said a greeting.

"Is that Jesus?" Niall asked louder than he intended to, pointing at the man. A woman sitting in the row in front of them choked on a laugh and Mr. and Mrs. Corden, who he was sitting between, shared an amused glance before Mr. Corden replied in a whisper,

"No, that's Pastor Ben, he's teaches the teenagers in Sunday school and youth group."

"Oh," He whispered back, studying Pastor Ben's face. He had red hair and a fluffy beard like a young Irish Santa would have,

"Welcome to Trinity this morning," Pastor Ben was saying, gesturing to the room around him, "I know I'm not Tony, and for those wondering where he and Abigail are, well, let's just say God has answered one of their prayers. They have been going through the process of trying to adopt, and the Lord brought them to one of His children." He paused as people chattered excitedly, and a few sparse people clapped, "I'm sure we will all hear more details in the coming days, but until then, I suggest we give them privacy as this is a huge adjustment." He then spoke about events the church was holding in the coming weeks, then stepped down when a bunch of people started playing songs Niall had never heard. After a few songs that went on longer than he would have guessed they needed to, Pastor Ben came back up and started preaching about the word "Unity", and Niall unwittingly zoned out, gaze wandering to the book that was laid open in Mrs. Corden's lap.

At some point, he must have fallen asleep because he woke up to a gentle voice, "How about we go get some lunch?" He popped an eye open at the mention of food and discovered that he was cuddled up next to Mr. Corden, and scrambled to his feet,

"Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep," his ears were ringing in panic, and he grabbed for Mrs. Corden's hand, "I won't do it again." Mrs. Corden sighed and got to his level,

"Hey, don't worry about it, love. You woke up pretty early this morning, it's okay to be sleepy."

"No, you made church sound important, and now everyone will hate me." He wasn't sure of what he was saying or why he was so frazzled, and Mrs. Corden seemed to be on the same page as him,

"You're not making sense, Sweetheart. Yes, church is important, but nobody will hate you." Niall nodded, feeling all choked up,

"I'm sorry. I'm just a stupid idiot."

"Woah," Mr. Corden said seriously, shrinking to Niall's level with his wife, "you are not a stupid idiot. Don't ever talk down on yourself like that, you are so clever."

"No, I'm not," Niall replied, face heating up, "Dad was right. I'm stupid and useless and a waste of space. I'm a baby and I probably deserved what Mark did," he choked on a sob and continued before one of them could refute his claim, "I don't do well in school either. I'm bad with maths, and Harry even told me so. They don't even miss me. Liam didn't care when they had to leave. They don't love me anymore, do they?" He knew he was talking in circles, and he was also aware that people had stopped to watch his fit, but now that he started peeling apart, there was no stopping it. Mrs. Corden placed one hand on his shoulder and the other under his chin, tilting his face up so he had to look into her eyes,

"Niall, you need to understand this: nobody in this world deserves what that bad man did to you, so please don't think like that." She didn't wait for him to respond and continued, "You are the brightest boy I know, okay? You are strong, brave, and so caring. Harry and Liam love you more than anyone else on this whole planet, so please don't say something like that." Now more guilty than panicked, Niall felt his bottom lip wobble,

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for having emotions," Mr. Corden sympathized, "How about we get some lunch and see if that helps you feel better?" Niall nodded, desperate to please them,

"Okay."

He didn't talk much for the rest of the day, trying his very best to make sure neither of his foster parents got tired of him, though his stomach still squirmed with terrible unease and his mind wouldn't turn off. He felt like a crybaby because he wasn't sure if he had made it five hours since he moved in with them without sobbing, and he was furious at himself for it. He was broken, and he had no idea how to fix it.