Why I'm Going to Get Better

Untitled Part 1

Most of the days I spend shaking

are the days I spend without him.

Don't get me wrong.

I get shivers and goosebumps

every time he's around,

but they're not the

kind that turn my body into a hurricane.

I crush everything that comes near,

without warning,

without wanting.

Mother nature titles my storms

as a side effect

for when my highs and lows

happen to be too close to eachother.

There have been a lot lately.

I flood all of the houses

that hold my relationships;

even the ones with myself.

I try to warn people

of living in an area that has

such a high hurricane risk,

but they usually don't listen.

Especially me.

I feel terrible when my waves of panic

are carrying away all the pictures

of good days they had at the sea,

but there's no stopping me.

When I'm with him

I forget about the nervousness,

the expectations,

how all I do is wreck things.

All I know is how his smile

makes me want to be

worlds less destructive than I am,

because I don't want to crush him

in the end.

But I know

one of these days when I'm in the midst

of my tornado with water,

he will stand in the middle of the street,

and say "you know I've always been a good swimmer.

Don't you remember

all the good days at the sea?"

I need to stop the storms now

so I don't crush the house that holds

my memories,

because he deserves so much more;

because I know

no matter how many hurricanes

he jumps into

that try and push him away,

he's always going to stay.