Jaan - e - Jaan

Chapter 19

Astha grabbed my shoulder's making me shake

Astha -: how could you do this to me huh? You betrayed me you broke my trust...you broke us..

"you broke us " only this word was roaming in my head...and I couldn't handle all of this anymore..and I burst in tears...falling on to the ground

Astha -: whats the point of crying right now...when you hide all of your past , your present from me...you hide the real you from me...while I was being transparent...you disappointed me bhairavi...did I meant nothing to you

"did I meant nothing to you " this shattered my soul I crawled towards her

bhairavi -: please Dont say this *shivering &tears* you are my everything I never wanted to hide this from you but...I am sorry

Astha -: then what did you wanted to do...suffer alone

bhairavi -: yes...cause I deserve it..

Astha -: wow just wow

Rubbing her temple in anger she pushed me aside and sat on the sofa...I somehow managed to get up and go towards her I sat down next to her tilting my head on her left leg..

bhairavi -: I knew you would get hurt...but I never hide anything intentionally from you...it was my insecurities, my stupid thoughts my fears that were stopping me, I dont even know what I was scared of, but I was sacred....my soul was shivering in fear.....

Astha -: so you hide your pain, your reality from me...I know you are hiding more things from me.....was I never there for you...that you have to betray me like this

bhairavi -: you were...you were with me...through all the times I cried

Astha -: ohh...but It doesn't seem the same way to me...now looking at you I realize I barely know you....why are you hiding yourself...

bhairavi -: the more you will know me the more you will get hurt...please astha...please my dear heart...stay away from me...I am nothing but a disappointment....all I do is hurting other...everyone around me always get hurt...I should have been dead that day...or I should have killed my self...All people ever ger from me is pain...I dont deserve to be with people...I am just a pain...I always hurted other...I am sorry my astha...but I was never good with sharing my feelings my fears...I may say 10 words which look like 100 but I have hidden more than 1000 feelings....words....pain...insecurities....fear....secrets....hidden in me.....I am never good at sharing....all I could do is hurt...and disappoint others....please stay away from..."you deserve someone better than me ".....better than these pains....better than these insecurities...knowing me will give you nothing but pain...so please stay from me " you dont deserve this pain"...."you deserve all the love and care in this world" "being with me will just give you pain "

( some people are just made like this...strong at some point..fragile at other...its just the situations that came in their life's made them like this...someone who used to be innocent thinking everyone has a good heart...have drowned in the insecurities of their own problems.....making them think they are nothing but a disappointment...even slightest of anger from someone they love breaks them apart...they never want to hurt someone intentionally its their stupidity which hurts others...their fragile self...is what hurts others....after a point they just want to die...or wants the world to forget them...they want to be where no one knows them....it doesn't matter for them if they get alone or lonely....the fact that someone got hurt because of them...makes them want to take their own lives....