A part of me will always love you. I can admit that to myself.
I was in love with the idea of almost.
There was so much you could have been.
All these months I've been trying to heal, trying to practice acceptance and learning to move forward again on my own.
All it took was an out of the blue text from you and I found myself stumbling.
I can't deny that my heart ached for you in that exact moment.
The overwhelming urge to respond was so painful.
I actually had to steady myself gripping the vanity counter.
It was like all the air had been let out of the room.
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breathes.
Having a conversation with myself in my head.
Trying to explain that this text meant nothing cause you feel nothing.
I open my eyes slowly and look up into the mirror.
I hear in my head, "he made you feel that the love you gave was meaningless."
My teary eyed face staring back at me was enough.
You will not let anyone make you feel this small again.
It turns out I'm not as far along as I thought.
I'm still miles away from turning that corner.
Maybe there'll always be a part of me that broke last summer and isn't meant to be glued back together.
Yet always smiling on the outside.
Those that know my heart well, know that I'm still somewhat grieving.
That has to be ok. At least for now.
Another year older trying my best to be wiser.
But giving myself grace if I stumble and fall along the way.
-fever_sleep
