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What.

Does anyone else just think they're so fucking messed up? Like, just full on brain dead sometimes? Or just full on not responsible enough, like, you're on your breaking point because of everything and everyone around and if someone just merely unfriended you or unfollowed you you'd think the worst and just be closer to the edge of breaking??? Like you'll think, "Did I mess up? What'd I do wrong? Did they not like me? Did they ever care? How'd I mess up? How bad did I mess up?" And then you just get even closer and closer to fucking crying.

And then suddenly you stop talking for a while, and start talking slightly then go back to complete silence and you rely on people to speak for you too much and you know one day you'll have to rely on yourself but you don't want to and you can't speak up for yourself and you just get so fucking scared talking to an adult. Even if they say that you can always talk to them, you just can't and you're so tired of it.

And the ways you cope with this pain is so odd and weird. You want a child, not a biological one, but like, a parental figure to a friend, and you get into these friendships that'll probably only last a few weeks and get so attached to that person to the point you'd trust them with your life just for them to ruin and hurt you and your mindset even more.

I feel like I'm not going anywhere with my life.