Just some dark humor jokes that i am going to hell for laughing at:
Jokes are not mind, i take no credit.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine?
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
Wife: "I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not." Wife: "I want another baby." Husband: "That's a relief, I also really don't like this one."
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
You're not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
My parents raised me as an only child. Which really infuriated my sister.
My mom died when we couldn't remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to "be positive," but it's hard without her.
At home, they treat me like God. I'm generally ignored until someone wants something.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, "You'll be next!" They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Today, I asked my phone "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
Some i really like because i can relate:
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you. (YES)
When life gives you lemons, freeze them throw them at people you don't like.
When life gives you lemons, paint them orange and sell them for double the price.
When people see lovers names carved into tree's, most people think its cute. The first thing i think is that its concerning how much people bring knifes on a date.
Ok well excuse me while i book a room in Hazbin hotel 🚪🏃
