healing hearts

prologue

!!! TW DOMESTIC ABUSE  AND EATING DISORDERS !!!

kitty's pov

it's my final year in the place I called home for a long time
it's been a ride full of good and bad memories.

i became pregnant in my junior year of high school.
my now ex-husband proposed a few days after I told him I was pregnant with his baby,
I should've seen the signs
but I was too blind in love and too young to understand what was happening.

after the proposal, things started going downhill
he started beating me up, throwing me on the ground and on the wall, punching and kicking me everywhere, even in the belly.

I soon realised he didn't care about the baby or me. He loved bombed me until he reached his goal.

by that time, i was in no contact with my family.

my family was toxic and bad, I was the eldest daughter of three, and all the pressure was on me, i had to be the role model, I was blamed for everything, I had to do everything in the house since I was a little girl.

at 12 years old, I was sa'ed by my best friend's older brother. It was traumatic, to say the least, and of course, my parents blamed me

that led to me being just an angry teenager who took all of her anger out at kids at school, especially marley.

she was an angel, she never said anything, she just took it
I caused her an eating disorder

I honestly feel disgusting even admitting this, i was so horrible to her, and I will never forgive myself for what I did to her.

I gave birth to my daughter in the senior year of high school,
I gave birth at home because ryder didn't let me go to the hospital, and then he left me for a few days
I had to do it all alone

I was in labour for at least 48 hours, then with 15 pushes, she was out

I remember holding her, and it was the best day of my life. She looked hetereal
with blue eyes and blonde hair, she weighted 6 pounds, and her height was 19 inches

when ryder returned, he started hitting me, choking me, kicking me, throwing me where he wanted again, but this time only worse

I could barely take care of her, I knew she deserved a better life
every day, I promised myself that I would leave him
but he was too strong, I knew if I tried to escape, he would kill me and her

after giving birth to aaliyah ryder made comments about my weight, saying I gained too much when I was pregnant with aaliyah, that with post partum depression made me spiral, i wasn't eating and when I was I purged
it became a vicious cycle that even now I find myself to struggle sometimes

senior year of high school was hell, now i was a "slut" for sleeping with ryder and for giving my baby for adoption ( even though that was a lie ryder decided to tell everyone )
and since I wasn't in the cheerios anymore my popularity dropped immediately
I was studying very hard to graduate as a valedictorian and I did it.

for once I was proud of myself.

I took 2 years off to take care of my baby and to get a job to pay for college, while still living with my abuser and an eating disorder

then i started going to yale, I had to do it all online because I was so ashamed of myself, the woman that I've became
and because I had no energy

during the pandemic, he started to get more violent, and now even targeting aaliyah, I remember hearing her cry and couldn't do anything to help her because I couldn't move
he knew that, and he took advantage of it.

the last time I saw him was a few months ago, I remember this like it was yesterday
the day before he went out buying something
it was 7 in the morning of the next day
I just woke up, and aaliyah was still sleeping
I started preparing breakfast in the kitchen, and from I don't know where he comes out with a gun
he comes closer and closer, then he shots me in the arm.

after that, I never heard from him again
finally, after 7 years, I was free, we were free

I started living my life again
I reached out to rachel and quinn, and in the meantime, they got married

I started eating more without restrictions, I could take my daughter out again

I can't wait to start a new life with my daughter and my new friends