𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐒 | 𝐋.𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍

𝟗𝟒 | 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐞 𝐀 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

"Then what are you even implying here?" I argue, arching my brow. 

My chest felt tighter trying to understand, with confliction weighing me down.

"Our son needs his mother, more than you need this mission," he steadily spoke, trying to keep himself composed. "You know as well as i do, that you're capable in protecting him and giving him everything a parent can give."

This conversation was becoming more heavier than expected, knowing he was right but my heart was screaming to pursue this mission. 

Taking a deep breath I lean against the table with my palms, gripping the table as I didn't want to argue with him. We've had a few arguments, but this one hits harder than any of the pointless quarrels in the past. After everything happened over the many years fighting as a soldier, and ranking higher in the system didn't change who I am. I've been doing this everyday, fighting and surviving and deciding what should come first. Decisions that I regret, and some I don't..........and some that we didn't have a choice......

It was all for the sake of the walls, but now we've broken through only to find the biggest wall. A world of war and constant bloodshed, and racial discrimination.........

"I'm going whether you like it or not," I firmly claim, my breath grew shaky. My throat tightens a little, "Of course I know I'm a mother, and Luka is 'our' priority.....you're his father too. I haven't even objected for you to quit, to stay behind.....no! I haven't at all, because I have full faith that you'll return......so what does that say about me?!"

He growls beneath his breath hotly, with his brows furrowed with a steeling glare. 

"That's not the point, because I don't want to lose you!!!!" He snaps angrily, as my eyes widen slightly flinching. His hand balls into a tightening fist, til his knuckles become white, "Just because we have the weaponry, the gear to be far advanced and a few steps ahead to them.....it doesn't change the fact that you're irreplaceable!!! Your my wife! Fuck!......I.....I just cannot love another, if I lose you..........I just....."

His breath grew uncontrolled for a moment, his face slightly red from his anger that finally surfaced from his usual calm facade.

".........going in will lead to two results," He pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "First:......you come out scathed..........second:....you die at the hand of the enemy. So please, as your husband and a Captain.......please stay back and watch over our son. Because it's sounding like you don't have fait---"

"Don't........" holding my hand up, taking his hands into my own and massages them. ".....don't even dare finish that sentence, because I have every bit of faith in you. I don't want to argue or yell at you, after all the shit we've been through. Arguing will only cause bitterness, and I don't need it when we already have the enemy hating us. So please, take a moment and breath...........and let me explain, m'kay?"

He was hesitant despite how his face softens, reluctantly giving him before he takes hands and interlaces them giving them a squeeze.

"Alright......"

With a warm weak smile I inhale deeply, before exhaling while I lean against the desk comfortably.

"My whole life I've known war, and even Hanji.....and you have too," I began softly, glancing over to the painting that was placed decoratively upon the beige wall. "I've watched many annihilated since I was only young at thirteen to those titans, devoured and torn apart. Their screams still echo.........not letting me rest easy. I've grown up training, gone up ranks and now look at how far I've come.......heck, even you have raised the ranks and we're the best of these walls. We're the protectors, of Paradis and I'm damn proud of us. Of you....."