"I hate him. I hate him soo much that it hurts"
Okay I don't actually hate him but I wanted to but he's stuck in my head. he's got my hear but... he like someone else. Someone who is well more prettier and she's probably smarter, I hate how even now when he texts me I still get butterflies, oh the butterflies, my heart stops beating for him, I think about him, WAIT I hate this feeling I hate it so much. But I love it I love how me makes me feel so wanted, is this love? Thinking about him. having a smile on my face even when he thinks he's icky. he's not icky, well he's not icky to me he's cute sweet smart, he's my world but he deserves more.
Ahahahha I can't, why can't he see me, why can't he love me like I love him. I want him, I want him soooo FUCKING bad and I need him I want to feel him I want to but get upset with him.
"What if he's the one"
"What if I have fallen for him?
I have fallen for him. I have. I think about him 24/7 but I can't have him,
I miss his voice I want to solve everything with him I want him I want his warmth I want to feel his safety. I want to be with him. I love him. I love him"
"I can't do it anymore"
I can't fake being okay, I can't be in this shit hole, I can't be here, I'm shaking, I'm crying every night, can't breathe can't talk can't feel anything, I'm done. I'm okay tho, don't worry about me it's fine, it really not fine I'm struggling. Im confused. I'm not me. Who am I why am I having panic attacks. What is going on? Can you help?
Your fine, your just dramatic, it's a life skill to just stay calm, it's fake, stop acting stupid just to get out of something you don't what to do.
Okay that's it I have had it, it's not fake. I'm not looking for attention I'm looking for help, I need help I need my mum, I need my family, my friends I need my life back, please dear god let it be over. I'm done, what do you want from me.
I'm haunted by my past, scared of my future,feared to be in the present, I don't know what's going to happen I only know what had happened and what happened was sick and twisted, I'm traumatised. I'm just dramatic. Push me a side then make me feel worthless.
"Pushing you away"
I'm sorry, I'm sorry about pushing you away, I'm sorry I just feel like everybody is going to leave me at some point and all I do is push you way I'm sorry I'm so sorry I don't understand why I do it but I do and I'm sorry I act like such a bitch and I can't help it I'm sorry, I feel like I hurt you and I really don't mean to this I why people leave me, ughhhhhhhh I just can't. I don't understand why I'm like this.
"Why am I like this"
Why am I so head over heels for this boy, he makes me light up.
Why am I like this, I'm moody and obnoxious, clingy, I'm in sufferable and ugh.
It's so confusing and I'm normally not like this so I really hope someone can relate to me.
I feel so I'm so alone,when I'm not, I'm not alone. I have people, great people but I feel like an a burden to them, why do I feel like this...
Because I get proved right.
*Thank you for reading these thoughts I have more*
YOU ARE READING
Random thought
RandomThis isn't a normal story, this isn't even a story , it more of getting my feelings out and on to the plate. This is my story to help people how are in the same similar situation as I am. I don't know what to call this, But this short story of tho...
