Dandelions

Evan Buckley

Buck took a moment to collect his thoughts before sighing and responded: "All my life I've been running. At first, I was running away from my parents, then I was running towards a place I could call home. I found the 118, I have my sister back, and after the lightning my parents are trying, really trying to fix things. It's slow, Eds, but we are making strides in therapy. We can talk about Daniel without mom crying, they've apologized and told are me how proud they are of my job." A smile drew on Buck's lips. "They kept an eye on me and all my rescues, at least those that were televised. They told me how proud of me they were of me for continuing to be a firefighter. For not giving, up after the bombing. They told me they loved me. Eddie, my parents want and love me."

"I'm happy for you, Buck," Eddie told him, tone so soft that it had Buck melting.

"But it was in therapy during my sessions with them that I truly realized how little I worry for my wellbeing," Buck stopped smiling. "If my own parents did not care about me, then why should my life be more important than other's?"

"Buck..." Eddie gasped aghast. "You matter! So much!"

"Save it Eds," Buck sighed. "I already had this conversation with my parents, both sets of them. I talked it out with Dr. Copeland, cried my eyes out as dad and mom apologized over and over again, and sat down as Athena read mem the riot act as Bobbie stood beside her, looking as if I had kicked his puppy."

"That man loves you like a son," Eddie commented in amusement.

"I know, but now I believe him when he says it." Buck replied, a steel of assurance backing his statement. "And all it took was a date with Natalia to realize it. It started out nice, you know?" Buck began, his thoughts drifting back to his date with Natalia. "It was nice to have someone to talk to, someone who listen and did not flinch when I talked about my many brushes with death. Someone who I did not need to mince my words with."

He paused, the memory of that evening washing over him. "But as the night went on, I realized something. Natalia didn't care about me. She was fascinated by my near-death experiences, but she didn't see me beyond that. I was just a collection of thrilling stories to her, not a person with feelings and fears."

Buck's voice softened as he continued, the realization settling in his chest like a heavy stone. "And in that moment, it hit me. My well-being matters. Not just the stories of my adventures or misadventures, but me, as a whole person. My happiness, my safety, my mental health—they all matter."

"What? That loca! How dare she?!" Eddie sounded furious from his end of the call.

"It's then that I realized that the trauma I've lived through was... daunting." Buck cut Eddie off before he could work himself into a rant. "The bombing, the tsunami, the lightning, your shooting. And as I sat there listening to her, I knew I needed a break."

"A break from women," Eddie did not blame his friend, he had a way of choosing the worst kind of women to date.

"From firefighting, from LA, from everything!" Buck exclaimed, before looking around and sighing in relief. Luckily, it was late and there was no one at the patio to turn and look at him weirdly for his outburst. "I love being a firefighter, but I was obsessed because I was worried, I would lose my place in the 118... that I would lose my family. The law suit is proof of that desperation."

"But you know that's not the case right?" Eddie asked, this time quieter, more cautious.

Buck smiled at the care in his friend's voice. "I do. I'm not expendable. You tried to teach me that lesson when you entrusted Chris to me. I did not then, but I did learn it at the end. I told so to Bobby and... he told me to take my lieutenant exam."

"What? Buck! That's great!"

Buck's cheeks hurt from how wide he was smiling. "It is! Bobby told me I was ready, not only physically, or mentally, but emotionally as well. That the A-Shift had a paramedic lieutenant but was in need of one in the fire engine."

"And who better than our own Buckaroo," Eddie teased him, making Buck blush.

"Come on! Don't call me that! It's bad enough when 'thena and Hen do!" Buck whined.

Eddie laughed, sounding like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. "So, will you take it? The lieutenant exam?"

"I did, took it before leaving," Buck answered. "I didn't mention it to anyone, because I did not want to jinx myself. I got my results this morning."

"So? Don't leave me in suspense! Did you pass cabron?" Eddie demanded to know.

Buck smiled bashfully. "I'm going back to the 118 as Lieutenant Evan Buckley Who would have believed it with the way I started?"

"Congratulations Buck! We're going out to celebrate when you get back!" Eddie laughed, happy for his best friend. "Shit! I've got to leave, Buck. Catch you, later."

"Have a good shift, Eds," Buck laughed, as the call dropped. He finished his espresso, paid for it, and stood up to walk back to his hotel. On his way back, Buck's cell started to ring again. Buck's smile only widened when he read the caller ID. "Hey, Conner. What's up?"