Muted (穆然)

20

Mu Ran shook his head, and the smile on his lips faded a little, "Sister Xu Ran, I want to visit my mother..."

Xu Ran was stunned and turned to look at him. Mu Ran smiled at her again, "Don't worry, I can control my emotions."

Xu Ran withdrew his gaze and looked straight ahead, "Logically speaking, I can't agree to it. Your current illness is not stable and you can't be stimulated anymore."

"But," Xu Ran turned the steering wheel and turned onto the road to the suburbs, "it won't heal if the wound is kept covered. Mu Ran, don't let me down."

Mu Ran lowered his head and slowly clenched his fists. After a while, he nodded and said softly: "Okay."

When the car arrived at the cemetery, it couldn't enter the cemetery area, so it had to park at the door. Xu Ran and Mu Ran got out of the car, and Liao Fei and the others also got out of the car. Xu Ran asked Mu Ran to wait for him where he was, walked in front of Liao Fei, and said in a cold voice: "I guarantee that nothing will happen to him, and I will definitely bring him out. Please give him some respect, and give the deceased some respect."

Liao Fei was silent for a long time, and finally nodded and stopped. Xu Ran then turned around and entered the tomb area with Mu Ran.

When he was still a few meters away from the tombstone, Mu Ran's body began to tremble a little. Xu Ran said softly: "Mu Ran, if you want to turn her into a wound to punish yourself, then the warmth and love she gave you, Just give it to you for free." Mu Ran's eyes turned red and he said nothing. Xu Ran patted him on the back and said, "Go ahead."

Xu Ran stopped and Mu Ran slowly walked over.

The monument platform is still very clean, and it feels like time has gone backwards, back to the last time he came here, when he sat here peacefully for an afternoon.

In fact, long before that, when he woke up from that beautiful dream, he had never thought about living. He didn't expect to be rescued, and he didn't know how to face the world. It was also from that time that he began to have hallucinations.

No matter whether he opens or closes his eyes, whether he is awake or confused, there always seem to be countless pairs of accusing or hateful eyes staring at him, and his ears are full of all kinds of blaming and insulting voices. Even though he was the only one in the room, he could still hear crying.

He knew something was wrong with him, and the people Yi Tian called to guard him also looked at him with strangely frightened eyes.

He lay in bed with his eyes closed every day, unable to sleep all night long. Sometimes he was in a trance and didn't know if he was still alive. He didn't know who to ask for help. His experience growing up told him that asking for help would only be met with cold and disgusted looks, so he endured it. Later, when he couldn't bear the pain anymore, he chose to commit suicide.

Yi Tian said he was pretending to be pitiful, but he didn't explain. Anyway, no one wants to listen to what he says, and no one believes it.

"I'm sorry." After a while, Mu Ran looked at the photo on the tombstone and said his first words.

The circles under his eyes were already red, and he smiled without letting the tears fall. "If you were still here, if you could talk, you would tell me 'it's okay', right?"

..."Even if you know the result, if I let you choose again, you will still carry me home." Mu Ran said with a smile, "No matter whether I am a lunatic or not, whether others like me or not, you will never abandon me. ."

..."It's because..." His voice was choked, "Because I am too incompetent, that's why I hurt you like this." If he works harder, tries to get rid of those deep-rooted inferiority complexes, works hard, and tries to get along with others. . If you can save more money, you can have a few true friends. How could he be so isolated and helpless? If he could truly have good conduct and a clear conscience, how could Yi Tian and his friends be in trouble?

Mu Ran thought about what Xu Ran had said to him, raised his trembling hands to cover his eyes, and tears flowed from his palms. He cried and promised: "I will treat the disease well and live a good life in the future. I will never let myself down again, and I won't let you down."

It's too easy to die and too hard to face reality. When I look back on the past, it seems like there are no memories left to support me. However, even if it is to extend this person's life and to remember the stubborn and foolish love she gave him, he must live well.

The cemetery was very quiet, and Xu Ran heard every word Mu Ran said clearly. She looked at the man standing in front of the tombstone and covered his eyes with his hands, crying like a child. She sniffed and blinked the tears out of her eyes. Shiyi looked away.

She has heard too many beautiful and touching vows in her life, but what Mu Ran just said was the only one that made her want to cry.