Gravity Sauls: A Better Call Saul x Gravity Falls fanfic

Chapter 3: Summoner's Thrift

Four months ago, and Ford would have continued the argument, berate Stanley and insist he take the leap. But, after a summer of bonding over cryptid hunting, he could finally understand not only the anger behind Stanley's decision here, but also the fear. So he backs off.

"Fine. But I'll stand right next to it, just since you haven't been outside of our world before."

"A talking triangle has invaded my brain at least two times. There ain't nothin' you've seen that I haven't, four eyes." Stan smiles, really smiles, and puts on the helmet, before stepping out the door and towards the portal. Ford activates his magnet boots and walks with Stan, keeping a protective arm over the rope that kept his brother tethered to their dimension.

"Hey, one question," Stanley said as he stopped in his tracks. "How does this portal find the best lawyer?"

"It won't. But I made sure you'll only get dropped off in courtrooms. Whether they're filled with humans, intelligent hind-legged dogs, or literally anything else possible."

Stanley sighs. "Long night, huh?"

"Yep. Wishing you made me go instead?"

"Yep."

As Stanley gets closer to the portal, his feet stop touching the ground, and he struggles to find footing mid-air.

"What do I yell if I start getting shot at for coming out of a portal?"

"Oh, Ford, I should've let you implant that bulletproof ribcage in me!"

"Funny guy."

And with that, Stanley was gone.

"What do you see?"

"Uh...not sure. Ma'am, what dimension is this?"

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

"You got that, Ford?"

Ford rolls his eyes. "I mean what's it look like, numbskull?"

"Weird yellow filter over everything. Looking out the window...hey, that diner is...this is Albuquerque!"

"Really? I thought I sent you to another dimension, not four states over."

"I ate there! That's the parking lot where I lost fifty bucks!"

"Dang it, Stan, find the lawyer!"

"WHO ARE YOU?!" A voice from beyond the portal yelled.

"Uh, Iron Man. I'm gonna kidnap that guy."

Pow! Wham! Bam! Crack! "ARREST HIM!"

"You okay in there, Stanley?"

"Got him!"

Stanford pulled back on the rope, and turned off the portal. Stanley dropped to the ground, a struggling man slung over his shoulder.

"Put me down!"

Stanley obliges.

"Where the hell am I?"

Ford gets a good look at the guy. Midforties, or maybe just turned fifty. A darkish blonde combover and a pink suit. Green eyes.

"Oregon." Stanford decided not to complicate things with the multiverse.

The man looks back at the portal. "Jesus fuckin' Christ. No kidding." He turned back around. "I'm not even gonna question it. Just tell me what you want. You want money? I can get it for you. You want meth? I know a guy. Just name your price and let me go home."

"Geez, calm down, Pointdexter." It was humbling for Stanford to hear Stanley call anyone that but himself. "We just want you to be our lawyer."

"I can do that. May I sit down somewhere?"

Stanford nodded towards the doorway. They walked through the hallways of interdimensional relics, went up the elevator, and through the gift shop.

"I see. You got sued for these prices?" The lawyer questioned.

"Hey, I'm an honest businessman! I'm just keeping up with this economy."

"I'll say."

They all take a seat in the living room. The lawyer shifts his seat on the couch, upon seeing the shrunken heads next to him. He leans down and folds his hands together, looking at them both in turn.

"So what are we looking at here? Theft? Smuggling? Public indecency?"

"Ew, no! Our town has some stupid new law where  we get evicted if we don't pay off our debts in other states."

The lawyer raised an eyebrow. "You guys should have rights against that. Shouldn't your government know that the constitution says so?"

"Maybe," Ford said, "But our new mayor is...well-"

"An idiot. We need your help."

"And my cut?"

"Whatever you want," Stanford said. "We just want to stay in town." Stanley snarled at Ford's selflessness, but didn't speak up.

"Perfect. Well, I'll get you two out of this mess, if my name isn't Saul Goodman."

"Saul?" Stanley repeats. "Good to meet 'ya. My name's-"

Suddenly, he stops speaking, and shoots a concerned glance at Ford, and that iron plate in his head didn't hide the fact that his mind was short-circuiting. What were they supposed to tell this guy?

Suddenly, a knock on the door. Stanford rushed to open it, worried that reactivating the portal had caused more gravitational anomalies. Thankfully, it wasn't government agents behind the door, but rather Soos, who leaned on a washing machine, sweating through his clothes. "Hey, Mr. Pines' brother. Did that lawyer guy get through the portal?"

"Hello, Mr. Pines," Soos' grandma said, standing in the yard, barely visible in the early hours of the morning.

"Hey, Abuela," Stanley said.

"I'm Saul. Saul Goodman."

"Hey, dude. So, here's the issue. The buttons are right here, but the door is on the complete other side. So you have to reach over to press the buttons or reach over to put the clothes in, or you have to walk around the entire thing. Should I, like, sue them or something?"