"Sinong kasama mo noong mga panahong iyon?"
"Well... I met him..."
"A boy?"
"Not really, Mama." I whispered. "He's a man. And... and he's a lot older than me..." I suddenly remembered that version of Felipe I first met when I was younger. He was warm, a bit distant but enticing. I knew that moment I laid eyes on him that he is impactful and intelligent. Hindi ko lang inasahan na napakalaking impact pala niya sa buhay ko.
"Oh, a lot older. Hmmm, that means he knows how to care for you anak." Sabi niya sa akin. "Are you still..." I shook my head. "Why? I mean if you want to tell me then you can but..."
"Mama, I promised that I will tell you everything now." I mumbled but maybe it was clear enough for her because she didn't say anything. Hinigpitan lang ni Mama ang yakap niya sa akin pagkatapos ay naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa noo ko.
"And I promise that I will listen to everything, anak." I swallowed and tried to look for the right words to say but no matter what I do I cannot find it. Bahala na. Siguro panahon na para palayain ko ang sarili ko mula sa mga bubog na ito. Felipe used to tell me that the truth will always set me free, the truth is the only constant in this world and the truth will take away every burden that I am feeling. I know that he is right.
"We only see each other for a month every year, Mama." My voice is small and it's fading. Pinipigilan ko ang maiyak. Hindi na ako dapat iiyak. Why would I? Tapos na ang lahat ng ito.
"Why is that?"
"Well, because he lives in Brazil and he is a very busy man." I smiled remembering all the times that Felipe made a way to talk to me despite of all his busy schedule. I guess it's one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. He makes me feel so wanted. Everything with Felipe was easy – ang mahirap lang sa akin noon ay ang pakasalan siya.
"Is he good looking?"
"Oh! Mama!" I giggled. "He is soooo good looking! He could make Leo Di Carpio run out of his money!" And Mama knows how much I love the 90's Leonardo Di Carpio. I really love Felipe's 90's leading man vibe. Sobrang gwapo niya but he has this good boy vibe, iyon nga lang, hindi siya good biy pagdating sa kama. I am the good girl and he is my Daddy. We have this submissive – daddy dynamics. I love giving all the control to him – especially when I am feeling anxious.
"So, what happened?"
"He asked me to marry him... but..." There was this invisible lump on my throat. The painful memories are coming back now. "But he got tired."
"Anak, if he really loves you, hindi siya mapapagod sa'yo." Mahinahong wika ni Mama. "Just like your father. Ilang dekada man kaming nagyayamutan at nagtataguan, hindi naman siya napagod maghintay kahit na madalas pakiramdam ko noon, si Luisa pa rin ang gusto niya, nagkamali lang pala."
"He does love me. The problem is me, Mama. He is not my priority." Wika ko pa.
"Oh? What is it then? Is it about your studies?"
I gently shook my head.
"Then what--- Yafa, is it because of me?" Humina ang tinig ni Mama. I bit my lower lip. Mabilis naman akong bumangon para harapin siya pero pinagsisihan ko agad dahil nakita ko ang sakit sa kanyang mga mata.
"Ma, you needed me then. I need to be your strongest soldier kasi nasasaktan ka. For me, you are and will always be my priority. I could lose people, but I don't ever want to lose you. Ayokong masaktan ka."
"Rafaelle, you do realize that I hurt a lot when you are in pain." Hinaplos – haplos niya ang mukha ko.
"It doesn't matter. My feelis aren't that relevant."
"Yafa, it is!" Mama sighed. "All these years you are crying at night because of this. Yafa, I'm so sorry if you suffered alone." Sabi niya sa akin. I kept on shaking my head. "Did you ever feel like I don't value you enough?"
I promised that I will be honest so I slowly nodded. Mama gasped.
"Whenever you go home here and you leave me in the States. I feel like you're happier here. Hindi kita masisisi kasi mas marami sila rito and you miss them. But it's okay. I love you. It's enough that you spend time with me."
"Yafa, I'm so sorry."
"No, Mama. It's really okay." Hindi ko napigilan ang mapahikbi nang yakapin niya ako nang napakahigpit.
"I promise that everything will be better from now on, hmm? I love you, Yafa. I'm so sorry for everything." I closed my eyes and let myself cry. For me, this is enough. I told her half of it. Hindi na ako mahihirapan na sabihin ang iba pa. Mahal na mahal ko si Mama. We will work things out and I know one day we will both be happy, and I will be healed permanently.
xxxx
Felipe's
"MIJO, are you not feeling well? You look pale." Avo and I were sitting inside Ruel's huge conference room. She wanted to meet with us today, so I came here. Wala naman akong balak na pumasok ngayon san opisina. I wanted to go to Bulacan ang visit Yafa. I heard from Andy that she was there. She found out because of her cousin Pan – na kaibigan ni Yafa ang asawa sa Bulacan. I wondered if she's doing well in there. Is her family treating her the best? Is she crying now? I want her to stop crying. I want her to think about me. I want her back. Hindi ko alam kung tama ang timing ko noong araw na iyon, but I couldn't let another day pass by without telling her what I feel.
Mas lalo pa akong na-alarma nang may pumasok na Atlantis sa buhay niya. It only goes to show that many other people are seeing what a gem Yafa is, pero sa pamilya niya, pakiramdam niya ay hindi siya pinahahalagahan. That is one of the reasons why I wanted to take care of her more. I promised that if she gives me a chance, I will make sure that she is well taken cared of and that she will never feel neglected. Napakalaking pagsisisi para sa akin ang pakawalan siya noon. What was I thinking? I could wait more. If she wants to marry me twenty years from now, walang problema. I will marry Yafa when she's ready. Hindi ko kailangan magmadali. Ang mahalaga sa akin ay ang magkasama kaming dalawa.
"I'm fine, Avo. Oh, here's Ruel." I saw my brother entering the conference room. He sat beside me and we both faced Avo. It is a puzzle to me why she wanted to talk to only the two of us. It must be something really important.
"So, Avo, what is it?" Ruel asked her. She put both her hands on the table, clasped it together and looked at us.
"I called you two because out of all the seven Orejons you are the most responsible ones." I nodded. That's true. So true.
"Ruel, Felipe. I am dying."
Nawala ang ngiti ni Ruel. Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko.
"The doctors here said that they will do everything to make sure that I survive this cancer. But I told them that I am too old to live the life they are trying to give to me."
"Avo..." I mumbled.
"Shhh. Don't try to do anything for me. Just let me live these two years in peace. I will tell your brothers about it. But for now, I want you to guide them – especially Elias Martin."
"Avo—" A knock on the door was heard. Sumilip ang secretary ko. I blinked twice and when she signaled me to leave, I didn't want to, but Avo made me. Sabi niya baka raw emergency. I told her na babalik ako agad.
"What is it? I was in the middle of a very important meeting."
"Sir, a certain Nandiandra Guevarra – Arandia is here to see you."
My mouth parted. Yafa's mom? What is she doing here?
Kapitulo Catorce
Start from the beginning
