Helluva Guy (Helluva Boss x Autisic reader.)

C.H.E.R.U.B

The audience, Lyle, and the cherubs scream, while the pianist nervously tries to keep playing, his face drenched in sweat.

Y/N covered his mouth.

Blitzo: Well, at least you made it bad.

The three cherubs fly angrily up toward the Imps.

Cletus: THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT! You five monsters have messed with us enough!

Collin: D'ooh, we're just trying to do our j-j-job!

Moxxie: Well, so are we!

Cletus: EEENNNOOOUGH!

The Cherubs summon golden crossbows and aim them at the imps.

Cletus: We are saving that shitty old man's life, whether he wants it or not!

Blitzo: Well, someone wants that fucker dead, m'kay? And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this...

Blitzo reaches into his coat and pulls out a jewel-encrusted green horse figure wearing sunglasses and a "MARE-AJUANA" cap.

Blitzo: ...so he's gotta go!

Y/N: We...were hired to do this. Sorry?

Keenie flies into Y/N's face.

Keenie: You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! You and hell!

Y/N: Um, was that aimed at me? Demons? Or people with disabilities?

Keenie: And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of HUMANS?!

Millie pushes Y/N aside.

Millie: So are you! So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental, cotton candy, tit-havin' BITCH?!

Keenie: FILTHY DEMON CRAP!

Intense opera music plays as the fight scene begins. Keenie and Millie roll over in a cat fight. Cletus and Collin shoot golden arrows at Blitzo, Y/N, Loona, and Moxxie who run away, drawing their guns in the process.

Millie and Keenie roll off the catwalk. Moxxie sees them and jumps off of the catwalk, grabbing and swinging on a rope. He aims his pistol at Keenie, who is still fighting with Millie as they fall.

Millie and Keenie exchange punches to the face. Moxxie aims up and fires at a rope which releases a sandbag. The sandbag slams into Keenie, separating her and Millie, and Moxxie swings over and catches Millie as Cletus and Collin chase them down, firing their crossbows. Loona growled and looked at Collin. She attacked Collin.

Millie grabs Moxxie's face and they stare into each other's eyes with lustful grins. They make out as they swing above the stage, Millie pulling two machine guns out of Moxxie's coat and firing as they spin rapidly. Blitzo climbs onto a catwalk and spots Millie's bra and Moxxie's bow tie fly past him. The bullets hit and kill various audience members in the first two rows, but they all miss Lyle.

Y/N ended up getting knocked off and landed right next to Lyle.

Lyle: It's all starting to make sense now young man! Life is worth living because we only get one! We must cherish it! If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer! Plus... I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things! I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!

Y/N:...Why are you telling me all this?

Lyle: Because you need words of encouragement! I maybe an evil old man, but I'm not Ableism! As a matter of fact, I'm writing you into my will. Your the only one here who makes any sense.