Helluva Guy (Helluva Boss x Autisic reader.)

C.H.E.R.U.B

Lyle: Ohhhh, noooo!

Collin: S-Stop looking!

Lyle: I CAN'T stop! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!

A bear swipes a wolf to the ground. It raises a paw to attack but is then crushed by a falling tree, cut down by a beefy logger with a chainsaw. A beehive lands on the man's head and he screams, flailing his head to get the hive off while also throwing his chainsaw into the air. The chainsaw comes back down, cutting both of the man's arms off and causing him to scream harder, before his body is skewered from behind by the antlers of a charging stag as lighting flashes dramatically.

Loona covered Y/N's eyes to avoid sensory overload.

Everyone freezes in horror, Blitzo faking it before grinning smugly.

Cletus: Uhhh, let's go check out someplace else!

Millie and Moxxie bump fists, the paws of their cat costumes squeaking.

/////

At a shopping mall. Lyle in his bed is pushed through the door hard enough to destroy both it and part of the wall surrounding it.

Lyle: Oh, Lord! Where are we now?! Let me perish!

Keenie: We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for: childhood wonderment!

Keenie motions to a crowd of kids cheering by a sitting Santa Claus. One kid wears a "Craft Mine" shirt.

Lyle: Why... look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Th- Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood... and their middle-class existence! Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this.

Blitzo: Hey, dipshit!

Pans over to Blitzo and Millie dressed as elves, Loona was also wearing a elf costume but it was more gothic and a little slutty. Y/N was wearing a Christmas onesie and blushing at Loona, who was smirking at him, while a grumpy Moxxie wears a Rudolph costume. They stand by Santa with a kid in his lap.

Blitzo: Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?

Blitzo grabs Santa's beard and rips off the costume. "Santa" is revealed to be an ugly, sweaty gnome wearing a "#Cuties" shirt and underwear, making a gnome noise. The kids scream and run in terror. Lyle sobs like a baby as Collin and Keenie cover his eyes. A concerned Cletus pushes the bed away.

Boy: Santa's EVIL!

Just then five police cars arrived and started shooting at the gnome.

/////

Now to Lyle in bed in the woods next to a crude wooden sign reading "LOVERS' LOOKOUT", a cartoon heart replacing the O in "LOVERS'". A small note underneath it, possibly written after the fact, reads "I guess..."

Lyle: Egh! This place reeks of TEENAGERS!

Cletus: Lovers' Lookout, sir! We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all!

Lyle: Money!

Collin: No! Love.

Lyle: I've never been in love before. I imagine it's quite nice!

Collin: It's not too late, sir! You can still find--

The Imps arrive wearing wigs and dresses.

Blitzo: HA! Nice try, ugly.

He pulls out a megaphone.

Blitzo: Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would FUCK this old man?!

All the cars speed away in an instant. Lyle deflates, dejected.