Helluva Guy (Helluva Boss x Autisic reader.)

C.H.E.R.U.B

Lyle quickly writes a will.

The audience claps happily for Lyle. Millie and Moxxie, spinning while firing their guns and being chased by Keenie, accidentally shoot a woman in the audience in the eye, killing her instantly.

Loona was beating Collin.

Blitzo runs along the metal scaffolding with his flintlock pistol. He jumps onto a bit of scaffolding holding some spotlights attached to the ceiling with a rope. He and Cletus point their weapons at each other. Blitzo attempts to fire but finds his gun empty, looking at it in shock. With a wide-eyed glance at Cletus, Blitzo throws the flintlock into Cletus' face.

Cletus: Oof! You fucker!

Momentarily blinded, Cletus recklessly fires an arrow, severing the rope holding up the scaffolding Blitzo is standing on and that Moxxie and Millie are swinging from. The three Imps all fall with the metal scaffolding as is smashes onto the floor of the stage, narrowly missing the pianist and cartoonishly bending a board so it holds up the piano at an angle.

The pianist is startled and stops playing, then straightens his bow tie, drops his stool down onto the stage, and uses it to drop down from the bent floorboard. The board then sends the piano flying through the air, breaking in the process. Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Cletus, Collin, and Keenie follow the piano with their eyes as it falls. Lyle turns to see the piano flying straight towards him, and Y/N. He pushes Y/N out of the way and gets crushed.

Moxxie grins as he sits tied up to Millie. Blitzo and the couple grin smugly.

Moxxie: Well, well. Would'ya looook at that? You... did our job... for us. Heh!

Loona smirks and gives the cherubs two middle fingers. Before picking up her boyfriend.

Cuts to the cherubs staring at Lyle's unfortunate death in utter shock. Collin gasps in horror.

Collin: Ohhhh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my Gooood!

Keenie grabs Collin by the shirt and slaps him across the face a few times.

Keenie: Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And do NOT use the Lord's name in VAIN!

Cletus: THIS... ISN'T OVER!

Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie smirk as Keenie creates a portal to Heaven and the cherubs fly through, only to be mysteriously repelled back.

Cletus: WHAT THE?!

A group of cherubs descends, composed of two bees, two sheep and Deerie, the leader. The deer conjures up reading glasses and a clipboard.

Deerie: Mmm, yeah, no, sorry, Cletus, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human. I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaah, noooo...

Cletus, Collin, & Keenie: WHAT?!?!

Deerie: Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry! Yeaaaah, no...

Collin: Is there... anything we can do?!

Deerie files her hoof.

Deerie: Yeaaaah, nooo! Noooo, no, no.

Deerie says "no" while pointing her hooves at Collin, Cletus and Keenie.

Keenie: Bu- But, we didn't mean to! We'd never! It was all--

Keenie points to the spot where I.M.P. was, only to find them gone. All three cherubs stare wide-eyed, Keenie's pointing hand trembling, whist the sound of a horrified woman screaming plays in the background.

Deerie: Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules! Yeaaaaah. Byyyye!

Deerie does a happy wave before she and the group vanish through the portal.

Cletus: Wait! But--

Cletus flies toward the portal but it closes. Cletus breaks down into tears and cries.

/////

Blitzo claps his hands together, transitioning back to the I.M.P. office.

Blitzo: Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn't kill him, so we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, he's probably up in Heaven now, so... It's a shame. All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated, and now we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up.

Moxxie: Sir... when are you going to tell the client?

Blitzo: Oh, I already sent him a text, and... we're in good hands, 'cause texts don't make people angry.

Millie: Also, where are Loona and Y/N?

Blitzo: Oh, since Y/N got the only man's money, he's trying to figure out what to do with it and get that all sorted out. Loona's with him.

On Blitzo's phone it shows that Loopty Goopty is called "Lupis" in his contacts. The text from Loopty reads "U fail, U die.", followed with Blitzo replying "sorry" surrounded by emojis, with "saxophone emoji" typed a line below. Moxxie looks worriedly to the wall behind him. He quickly scurries out of the way as a metal escalator proceeds to crash into the office.

Loopty: BLIIIIIITZO!

Blitzo: Loofaaaaa! We can explain everything. I was--...

Another metal escalator crashes through the wall and squashes Moxxie as Lyle, now a mechanical demon with piano keys for teeth and a rolling ball in place of legs, arrives with a grin. Moxxie twitches stiffly in pain.

Blitzo & Millie: Lyle Lipton?!

Millie: I don't understand. We thought you went to Heaven.

Lyle: Heaven?! You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by NOT experimenting on the poor!

Loopty: Oh, you no-good, HEARTLESS son of a BITCH! Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!

Lyle: The only question now is what do two old genius robotic inventors do now that we're in Hell?

Wally Wackford crashes through the ceiling.

Wally: Did someone say, I say, inventors?! Name's Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit! I mean, employyyyy~

Blitzo: Everyone, STOP FUCKIN' UP MY WALLS! Moxxie's gonna have to fix all this shit!

Moxxie is shown trapped, frothing at the mouth and groaning in agony.

Blitzo: Oh, chill out, Moxxie. If you kiss my ass any harder, you'll go right inside me. Satan's balls! First we deal with Heaven's table-scraps, now this?

Wally: I guess... you can say, you say, you have a... holey operation here, Blitzo!

Wally slaps his knee and laughs. Loopty scratches his neck awkwardly.

Lyle: Oh! Also, if Y/N is ever interested in other jobs, give him our business card! He's the only one in your group who makes any sense!

Blitzo: Get out.

Wally continues laughing, doubling over onto the floor. Lyle and Loopty glance at each other awkwardly.

Wally: Oh! I say, oh!

Blitzo: No, I'm serious. Get the FUCK OUT!

Loopty, Lyle, Millie, and Wally all look at Blitzo, shocked and surprised by his sudden rage.