Metal Heart [ Jikook ]

Chapter 10

Min Yoongi faced Seokjin again when he pulled the notebook the idea was stuck in out of his drawer, when he flipped to the twenty-fourth page and looked at him. He wondered: what was the point? If he made Min Yoongi, why? He didn't want a robot for a lover; he really just wanted Jungkook-- but he'd blown that chance the moment he handed Jimin over. If he made Min Yoongi, what would he do with the boy? Keep him around as a friend? Set him off into the real world? Present him as a project to his community of science to show them what he could do? He didn't care if Min Yoongi was a robot; he would be a robot with feelings and no one, not even a piece of metal created to look human, deserved to be presented as a thing. Maybe Seokjin was too sensitive; but he didn't like the thought.

No more making boyfriends, Seokjin promised himself, and he wrote this at the bottom of the page, real big, real bold, pressing his pencil down too hard, accidentally ripping through to the twenty-fifth page. He tossed the pencil off his bed for no reason other than frustration; what was he thinking? Another person? A first person? What was the point of building them, he thought, if they were just things? Seokjin was glad he'd built Jimin. He was upset at his own fucked-up feelings, at his own shattered heart, but Jungkook was so happy, and Seokjin had been able to up his skill level in understanding human bodies and working with building things-- it had all been to benefit, building Jimin.

What would building Min Yoongi prove?

Now Seokjin couldn't stop thinking about it: Min Yoongi. Min Yoongi, Min Yoongi, Min Yoongi; the name had such a pretty ring to it, and the boy written in Seokjin's notebook looked so wonderful. Why? Seokjin wouldn't stop asking himself why he couldn't stop-- did he want to build that badly? No more people, Seokjin tried to tell himself, but it was so hard to accept saying no when it was so fucking tempting--

When Seokjin felt lonely, sad, or stupid, he called Kim Taehyung. He did this now, picked up his phone and tossed Min Yoongi off of his bed, let it land on the floor some inches away from his pencil. The phone rang once, twice, and Seokjin wondered, briefly before Taehyung picked up the phone, why he was bothering everyone on Christmas Eve when they all had their own friends and lovers to focus on.

"Hyung! Hi! Long time no talk-- how are you?" Taehyung asked, must have checked his caller i.d. for once before he picked up the phone. Taehyung sounded very happy, was shouting like he was at a party, but Seokjin didn't hear any other voices. He heard loud music, and someone saying something in the background, but it didn't sound loud enough for Taehyung to be at a party.

"Hey, Tae." Seokjin said, wished he didn't sound so bummed out. He couldn't help it, though; all this thinking about Jimin and Min Yoongi was really getting to his head, and he was starting to feel sick, was starting to feel like maybe eating dinner that night wouldn't be a good idea. He took in a breath before he said his next words, trying not to sound so ill, "I'm pretty good right now-- just wanted to talk to you. How--"

"Ah, hyung, you always have a subject! Is something up?" Taehyung asked, and he was speaking a little softer this time, was moving, likely, by the way all the commotion in the background was becoming more and more distant. Taehyung was good at reading people, Seokjin thought; or maybe Taehyung was just good at reading him. Maybe he was just being obvious. Seokjin didn't know; he didn't have the energy to put any proper thought behind it.

"Uh, not-- not really. I just wanted to talk to you, really. I want to know how you are and all. And I-- I kind of want to get my mind off of doing something stupid." Seokjin said. He bit down on his bottom lip, "So-- how are you?"

"Something stupid? What something stupid?" Taehyung asked, and Seokjin wished he would have been a better actor, wished he wouldn't have called Taehyung in the first place. He briefly considered hanging up, but then Taehyung would worry, would call back, would text him, would be sent into a spiral of worries after that; and Seokjin had come too far to just back out now, had already sent Taehyung's mind spinning.