A COURT OF FIRE AND ICE - AZRIEL -

Chapter 5

He knew. Ofcourse he knew. And he was trying to divert attention from it. Distracting me

"Whats this" I asked looking at the brown bag in my hand, warm under my fingers. I peaked inside the bag and immediately knew what I was looking at.

A cinnamon and raisin croissant wheel. My favourite.

I smiled at him. "You didn't have to"

"Just eat" he said coldly obviously fighting back a smile. I rolled my eyes mockingly.

We continued walking as I held the paper bag in my hand.

Azriel eyed me from the side. "If you don't eat that I'm going to pick you up and fly and high as I possibly can and you do not want to test my limits" he said coolly.

"What?" I blurted, stunned at the jokingly threatening nature of his comment my mind a complete mess.

"Eat. It." He said and as if on cue my stomach let out another growl uglier than the one before.

"Fine fine" I pulled out the delicious pastry from its bag and held it in my hands, still hesitant to put it into my mouth especially with Azriel right beside. He looked at me from the corner of his eye and let out a loud sigh. He pulled the heavy bag I was carrying off my shoulder and slung it over his own, walking a few paces ahead of me leaving me behind him. It was his way of showing he cared with the addition of obvious annoyance at me. I knew. He knew. I knew he knew and he knew I knew.

The first bite was nothing short of euphoric. I had avoided that market for months despite it being home to my most favourite thing in the whole world. I had avoided it the way I had avoided large crowds for months, despite always wanted to visit it again, I couldn't find the determination to get my feet moving in that direction. However having Azriel there felt different. Felt safe. Felt like the prying eyes and hurtful questions and backhanded compliments didn't matter. Like I could handle them if I needed to. Because he was there.

I inhaled the pastry in no time, my pace picking up to align with the big Illyrian in front of me. He looked down at me from the corner of his eye, a small smile creeping up on his lips. A small smile I pretended not to see. It was easier this way. To not let his compliments or our moments to touch me in the slightest. To deflect them till my last breath. To not let the delusion creep its way back into my mind and plague me day and night.

Did the thought of us haunt me often? Yes. But it was better to move on for the sake of the nature of out relationship and what it required of us. Better to never blur the lines that holds us and our jobs together.

Sometimes I reflect on why I found myself letting myself indulge in the though of him and reliving the emotions I once felt. Reliving moments we had. And the conclusion I had reached in hopes to explain some of my insanity to myself was that feelings take a long time to fade away, if that is even possible and in most instances we supress and push down all that we feel for a person. And with the right (or wrong) triggers those exact feelings can bubble to the surface like no time had passed.

"Can u tell me about what exactly Rhys expects me to do with this Ministers son? Am I being sold right now?" I joked making Azriel stop dead in his tracks. His face serious.

"You'd think I'd let that happen?" the words like fire from the Cauldron itself burning a hole into my heart. Deflect.

"Doesn't answer my question" I continued walking ahead.

"It does" I heard him mutter behind me. My heart ached and my stomach churned. A nauseousness overtook my whole body. I was going to be sick. I clutched my stomach and turned making direct eye contact with Azriel. His eyes widened instantly knowing.

I ran into an alley onto the left and used the now empty brown paper bag in my hand . It was nothing short of disgusting, embarrassing. I loathed myself in that moment. Azriel stood a few step back using his body to block the alleyway and prevent people from entering. I hated this. I hated myself. I hated him. I hated this whole situation.

Tears streamed down my face as I wrapped the bag and throw it into the dumpster further down the alley. I kept my eyes to the ground and each step towards Azriel felt like an eternity. I collapse to the ground after a few steps.

My face buried in the palm of my hands I, crouched to my knees breaking into uncontrollable sobs. Within half a second I felt a shadow towering over me. I refused to look at him. I did not need him of all people to see me in this state. I waited. Waited from him to make me get off the ground and stop wasting his time. But it never came. And it only caused me to sob harder. My chest heaved.

I couldn't breath. Air was not longer being let in. My body was rejecting the oxygen. I fell to the ground, my hands propping me up, my legs now curled towards my stomach I clutched my chest. My eyes darted up to Azriel seeing his blurry figure above me through the tears.

"I. cant. breathe." The words came out without much thought. It felt like death.

Instantly Azriel crouched to the ground his face now facing me. He grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my chest. He held them in his hands, gripping onto them tight. I looked at him, my eyes no doubt puffy and red.

"Lexi you are ok" he spoke his voice smooth like butter. Calm and reassuring. I looked away in embarrassment.

"Look at me" he said. And I did.

"You are ok. You are safe" him thumbs caressed the back of my palm. "Breath in. Out. In. Out"

Within a few minutes my breathing had returned. I sat there my entire body exhausted from the recent events. Azriel never let go of my hands. He just stayed crouched infront of me. Making me feel safe. I felt a wave of conflicting feelings...embarrassment being the greatest of them all.

"What the fuck is happening here?" A harsh voice barked from behind Azriel.