[ON HOLD] •My Guiding Light• ||Yeonjun||

18. it's me, hi-

(a/n: complete the lyric)

Yeonjun POV

I locked myself in my room and sat at the table, unlocking one of the drawers. I opened one of the books, my diary.

I had started to write my feelings in a book or paper when she left, finding no one else to tell to.
I would jot down words in paper when I was angry, sad, confused, anything.
Only to throw them later, burn them, so no one can read it.

I had completed 2 books in these 4 years...
And the random pages seperate.

I was halfway through the 3rd book.

xx•xx•xxxx
Saturday

We went to the memorial.
I saw Minji.

She was all sad. I wanted to apologise, I wanted to hug her, take away all her pain but I couldn't.

I couldn't do anything.
And I was to blame.

Seeing her like this hurt but not being able to do anything hurt even worse.

Nevermind, I take that back, you know what hurts worse? Seeing her smile because of someone else.

Who was that guy?

Did she know him?

The fuck??!

A part of me is mad for being jealous because all that matters now is that atleast someone made her smile, but I can't help it.

They were together the whole time. Talking. Laughing.

It should've been me.

Not him.
Me.

But then again, I was to blame.

Just me.

I had always been the problem.
It's always me.

I confessed at the wrong time.
I got mad at her for leaving without even letting her explain her part.
I caused all this mess.

And it's me who messed with my feelings, even.

It was never Karina who wrote any of those letters, it was Minji.
And I didn't even know it.

^•^

I closed the book and laid down on my bed.

My head still occupied with the thoughts I tried to give up.

.ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ.

I completed reading Verity after my friend recommended it, I am  not functioning anymore...

Am I alright? I don't know
Did I lose a sense of right and wrong? Most probably....

~Yoo❤️