A Lovers Diary

when i see it

i always wondered why guys have this need in them to talk to other females. i'm enough for you and you love me whole but there always has to be someone else
even though you are in my bed playing with my hair as i fall asleep soundly to your heart beat
once im fully out, you pick up your phone and begin to text
and it's not the females that i'm worried about
it's you
why do you always need someone else
and i know i sound like i'm talking bout one person here but really im talking about every guy i been with
why do they always need an ongoing flirtatious conversation with someone else

i was there when you got kicked out
i was there when you had no money
i was there when you were alone
i was there when you needed help
i was there when i didn't want to be there
i showed you my loyalty and yet you still feel like you need someone else
someone else who's not going to and wouldn't stand by you through it
someone else who will leave you in a heart beat
someone who doesn't understand how your mannerisms works or why you are the way you are
but you know i'll be there
you know i'll always be there
until i'm not
and that's the part that i don't get
you know i'll leave when it's beginning to take a toll on me and you know i will leave when it's more harmful than playful

so when i see you texting them i don't get mad or upset anymore
i take it into consideration and enjoy the time we have left
because i know that's my cue to leave before i begin something that will end in me being destroyed in the inside

so keep texting them
i'll continue to lay there listening to your heart
studying the rhythm of the beat
memorizing the feeling of you playing with my hair
or the little kisses on my head you give me
or the look in your eyes that appear to be full of love but it's really lust and if i never saw it i would have totally believed that it was love
keep entertaining the conversation thinking that i'd never leave
because once it's you alone with all your thoughts you'll realize that you will never come across the loyalty i gift
trust and believe i'll be gon in a blink of an eye and you won't even notice my absence at first but you'll see it
when i see it