Until You [18+]

one

I watch as the lights flicker and my hands start to shake. This can't be happening, it simply cannot.

I hold onto her hand tightly and try to control my breathing as I watch hers. I never thought I would feel a pain like this but I do. Losing her would be my downfall.

I look around the nostalgic room and just smile at everything. Everything here has a certain memory to it, it brings me joy but when I circle back around and see her lying down in her bed it all hits me again.

I'm going to lose her, it's just a matter of when. I watch as my mother walks into the room and places down a tray of food.

She wipes her hands down on the apron she's wearing around her waist and looks at me.

"Come on, tulipe. Dinner's ready, I made your favourite." She gives me a soft smile in which I return. I kiss the hand I'm holding while slowly and carefully standing up, I can't do this.

I put her hand down to rest next to her body and leave the room, living my mother in there. I know that my mother knows how hard this is hitting me.

I spend all of my free time in her room, with her.

I sit down in my chair at the table and watch as my mother walks back into the room and places two plates down. One in front of me, one in front of my father.

I wait for her as she walks back into the kitchen and sits down at the table with her plate in her hands.

She rests it down on the table and as she starts to pick up her fork, I make a comment.

"Can we... Can we say grace?" I ask, still looking down at my plate but I see her look at me in my peripheral vision.

"Of course we can." She smiles lightly to herself and holds out one hand to me and one hand to my father. We all link hands together and my mother starts to speak.

"Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food we have on our table. We ask that you help us in this time of hurt and agony, amen." We all let go of out conjoined hands and start to eat.

The silence is so loud. I hear the scraping of forks against plates and it sends me into a spiral.

"May I be excused? I need to get fresh air." Both of my parents look at me and nod at the same time. I then stand up, push my chair back in and walk towards the front door.

My parents have almost always let me have free rein to do whatever I like. As long as I'm not doing anything completely illegal, they don't mind.

They want me to have a fulfilled teenage life and I'm very thankful for it.

My parents met just before I was born. Quite obviously, I was a mistake but they don't treat me like one. They never have. I'm glad I have the background I have and the life I have.