Sweet Summer Sunsets- A Robert Irwin FanFic

Robert

I reached over and gently rubbed her shoulder, and the sudden feel of my hand made her jump. I considered drawing back, but she seemed to lean into it, a half-hearted smile on her face. 

I wanted to know what storm was brewing in that head of hers, but I knew it would be better to let her talk to me when she was ready. 

I swallowed hard, my thumb gently rubbing her arm. She adjusted her arm, causing it to slip out from under my hand. She could've done that on accident, not really thinking about me while she was moving, which was totally fine and I would not have blamed her at all for being in her own head right now. However, the idea of her purposefully moving to escape my touch made my skin crawl, and I let my hand linger where it was before pulling it back into my lap. I could understand her not wanting to be touched and overwhelmed right now, but it was so hard for me to not want to touch her. 

The smell of salt water filled my nose as we got closer to the beach. I took a deep breath, and I noticed Ashley did too, as it was customary for us to do so and then make some remark about it. No witty remarks came from her today.

I had seen this side of her before, it wasn't often that I did but I knew she got like this when things got bad. Whether it be at home, in her head or when she struggled in school. When things got bad enough, this was her defence mechanism.

As she turned into the car park in front of the little stretch of beach we usually went to when things were rough. It was a private area, but one of the best views to watch the sunset. Often it was empty, and it was a relief to have a public place that was "ours", other than the zoo after hours. Especially with the fact that I am known for being at the zoo, we got interrupted often or had to be careful. At our little beach spot, we could just be two young adults hanging out.

She pulled her car into a space and eased it to a stop. She turned the radio down a bit to listen to the remainder of the song that was playing. I loved that about her, the way she always made sure to finish out the song.

She turned the car off once it was over, and I got out first and went to the back door to grab her bag and the blanket. I know she didn't expect me to and she didn't need me to because she's capable of grabbing it, but I also knew she appreciated it and without having to worry about it, she would be dancing towards the shoreline.

She stepped out of her Jeep and I watched her take off her shoes, setting them on the floor of the driver's side. She closed her door at the same time as I closed the back one, and she pressed the button to lock it, the Jeep beeping in response.

We met behind the Jeep, standing there to take in the view of the beach and the sunset. She held out her hand, dangling her keys and I realised what she was asking, without her even having to make a single sound.

I took the queue and grabbed the keys from her, tossing them into the smaller front pocket of her backpack. I watched as she skipped towards the sand, the lace cover-up falling off one of her shoulders, revealing her bare freckled skin.

I walked after her, knowing that I didn't need to chase after her and she would be fine with me following at a distance. The worst trouble she could get into with me around was maybe tripping and falling, but I would try my best to catch her.

She danced her way to the ocean, kicking up sand and spinning in circles, the lace of her coverup gathering at her elbows and flowing behind her as she spun. The setting sun made her skin glow, and she looked even more magical and ethereal like she was something not from this world and this was her true form self she was showing, after parading around as someone else to camouflage herself amongst humans. 

Watching her like this, being in a frenzy, almost, made my heart ache for her and the thoughts that could be raging in her head.

She carried on to the water, kicking at it and every so often stopping to pick up seashells or a cool rock. I picked a nice spot and spread out the blanket. I opened her bag and pulled out the plastic jar she had in there for collecting shells and rocks. I opened it and propped it up against her bag on a corner of the blanket.

I paid attention to her movements as she walked around, the waves softly hitting her feet. Every so often she would stop and pick up something, or stare out into the sea. I so badly wished I could read her mind and try to understand where her head was at this very moment.

The way she stared out at the vast ocean made me wonder if she was considering just walking into it. Realistically, I knew she wouldn't do anything like that, but I couldn't help but wonder if that thought had entered her mind at all.

She started slowly sauntering her way over to me, taking her time and singing the words to Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac. It was a song she showed me once upon a time, and it made sense to me that she liked it, and she sang it beautifully even if she wasn't putting that much effort into it and was being silly. She was the type of free spirit that I pictured when she played the song. 

She bent down and showed me the treasures in her hands. an assortment of shells, rocks, and some sea glass, with different colours and a smooth grey stone in an imperfect heart shape. Sometimes she made it a mission to find little rocks in certain shapes, or she would pick one up and tell me what it was shaped like, even going as far as drawing on the rock with her sketch pencils or sketching it out in her sketchbook so I could try to see what she sees in it. 

That was another thing I loved her- her creative brain was always going and she was always gentle in explaining to me the ideas she had in her head and how things looked to her. Not only could she draw things more or less how she imagined them, and she never talked down to me, or anyone else if we didn't see things exactly the way she did. She was so graceful with others having different perspectives/opinions than her. 

I admired the treasures she found as she showed me them all, one by one, before carefully dropping them into the jar with the rest from our beach trips. As far as I knew, this jar was filled with treasures she found only when we were here, together. 

She had similar jars on her bookshelf in her room, different plastic jars filled with different shells or rocks from different beaches. One from Tasmania, one from where her family was from in the States, and one that I gave her from Florida when we visited Chandler's family. She didn't label them or anything, she just knew which one came from where, as if she memorized the contents of each jar.

The treasures she put in her jar made a soft sound as they slowly hit everything else in the jar. I stayed quiet, wondering if she was going to sit down and talk to me. I so desperately wanted to know what happened, what had caused her to have such a reaction like this, and if there was anything I could do to make her feel better. 

After the last shell had been dropped into her jar, I closed the lid to it as she plopped down next to me. She brought her knees to her chest and leaned her head on my right shoulder. 

I took my right arm and bent it, so my hand was resting on her left cheek. It was a bit awkward of a position, but I knew she would get the gesture and understand that I was trying to comfort her. 

"Oh, Robert, it's so much worse than I thought it would be," she said after several minutes of sitting in silence like that. 

"You can talk, love," I said, quietly. I was sure she knew that she could, why else would she have picked me up and brought me here? But I wanted to restate that I was here for her and I would listen to her and try my best to comfort her, just not in so many words. 

"It was horrible," she started, sitting up and resting her chin on her knees so she could stare out into the ocean,  "I think it's pretty obvious that James is Cait's dad, and the adults handled it well, other than my mum who was horribly upset about how long it took me to get there, amongst other things. And then I made things worse by saying it went better than I thought, and Cait heard that which means she found out that I knew this whole time, which was not great. And then I snapped at mum and by the time I made it upstairs she was breaking bottles, so that's great. I didn't see her when I left, and I didn't dare to look at the kitchen to see if she cleaned anything up. I figured maybe she was passed out in her room, and I didn't really care if she did or didn't clean, I wasn't going to do it. So here we are. And I think Cait hates me now and I just don't want to deal with anyone or anything else right now, and I just want to sit here and be with you."

She was out of breath by the time she finished, but I didn't say anything. I looked over and saw the tears silently trailing down her face. I put my arm around her, pulling her into my side and kissing the top of her head before staring out at the ocean as well.