Well... I don't have many friends, I have more virtual friends and in reality I think they are incredible.
The problem is that I'm intense and confused. One moment I want to kill people, another I want to kill myself, one moment I want to please everyone and another moment to please MYSELF.
- "What's the problem with that Anna? It's normal, I think all people are like that."
Yes, it really is normal. What I mean is that I end up hurting people and making them worry.
Ok, ok... let's start by telling you how it all started.
I joined a group, amazing it was called "o telefone Arco íris" Created by a girl I followed on Instagram called "sol" So I joined the group, and everyone welcomed me VERY well.
Before continuing, I already had some problems before and some traumas that had "already" "healed"
Continuing, after some time in the group I met a friend whose name is "lia".
And I started to like this friend... yeah, horrible, isn't it? But she had one day.. and that was the worst MISTAKE of my ENTIRE life.
We were playing truth or dare in the group (what's the point??) and I said I liked her, I literally said I liked her in a GROUP full of people.
What's the problem with that?? I ask myself the same question, which one?.
In short, it caused a certain kind of trigger. And I don't know, but I think she changed with me, I don't know how to explain it, can someone please tell me they understand?
I created more trauma. And I created a certain type of "hate" for her...
But that's in the past!! And now what am I doing while writing this??
I'm in my room crying with blades at my side watching my friends text me and call me while I try to find the courage to take my own life.
Why?? I date.. but I still like her a little, but I don't want to feel that way. Because of this feeling I feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend. So I do EVERYTHING to see myself In that damn coffin.
Maybe this feeling for the girl will go away. Since I'm dead I won't feel anything, right?.
