Reliant ~ [John Soap MacTavish]

XLV. Hollow

I follow Soap out of the gym, but we split ways as we get to the hallway.

"Be there in ten, alright?"

"Yeah," I call back, continuing my way to my room to get ready for a quick shower.

In the shower, I let the hot water run over the bandages on my back to make sure the adhesive that sticks to my skin weakens at least a little bit. When I feel that the material is wet enough, I grip the bandages between my thumb and index finger before yanking it off without thinking twice.

I've gotten used to the feeling by now, and nearly all of the wounds had closed up by now. I remember showering the first time, and the way my entire body felt like it was on fire as the water touched the open wounds.

Now just the cut on my right shoulder blade needs to close up. It had been way deeper than the others, though, in the moment of struggle, I hadn't realized it at all.

I wrap the towel around my body, making sure to pat down my skin instead of rubbing it to prevent any stitches from ripping. I leave the wound on my shoulder untouched, knowing that rubbing it with a towel will just do more damage. Instead, I pull on my underwear, some sweats and a tank top, but leaving the strap that goes over the right shoulder off.

Exactly 10 minutes after Soap and I split up, a soft knock sounds at my door.

"Come in," I reply, tying my hair up again after accidentally getting the ends wet in the shower.

Soap comes in, his usual supplies in his hands as he offers me a smile. "How are you?"

"Fine," I rub my eye a little, feeling myself avoid eye contact.

"I was watching you during training. You were impressive."

Don't say that.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from smiling. "Thank you. So were you."

He doesn't keep his smile to himself. Instead, his face lights up as he sits down on the rather small bed. "I can't believe they still haven't changed these," he says, planting his fist on the unforgiving matress.

"I'm a hostage. What do you expect?"

"You're not," he grins, a breath escaping in the process. "Now come and sit."

I do as he says, and sit down with my back to him. "I don't need bandages, I think."

"It's looking way better," he mumbles, his breath falling on my skin and causing goosebumps to form, my body betraying me. But when his fingers graze my skin, I fight the small gasp that escapes me.

"Sorry," he says behind me when he notices, his voice turned to a whisper as his fingers run over my skin. "Are my hands too cold?"

"No—" I hold my breath momentarily. "It's fine."

"I'm only going to wrap up your shoulder. The rest should be okay now."

"Mhmm," I mumble, letting my head hang forward a little.

As he works to clean the scars and the single cut left on my shoulder, I keep my jaw clenched tight. But because I have nothing else to focus on, the feeling of his hands on my skin is intensified by a hundred. I'm hyperfocused on the way his hands feel. His skin warm, somewhat caloused, yet gentle as he works around my injury. With each pass of his hand, I find myself leaning into his touch involuntarily

As his ministrations continue, I struggle to keep my composure, my heart pounding in my chest as I fight with conflicting emotions. Part of me knows how stupid it is to have him be the one to take care of my wound.

Ace, Ghost, even Price could do it. Anyone but Soap for the sake of both our sanity.

But here I am, letting Soap's hands linger on my skin.

Another part of me wouldn't want it to be anyone but him. It offers his touch with reason. But as his fingers brush against my skin, I can't shake the feeling that we're both pretending this is just routine, when deep down, we both know it's anything but.

I wait for him to do something. Anything. Yet nothing happens, and I'm left beneath the touch of his hands and the feeling of his breath on my skin.

He sighs, though so quietly I barely catch it. "Turn around for me, would you? Let me see your brow."

It's when we move that I finally dare to let out the breath I'd been holding. As I turn around, I nearly bump my face into his, as he's way closer than I thought was. Though the doesn't lean back. Instead, he keeps his ground, lifting his hand to push some hairs away from my face and behind my ear.

I can tell he tries to narrow his eyes to only my brows, but he fails horribly, as I find his eyes gliding over my every feature.

Stop it.

Continue.

Don't.

He scrapes his throat, obviously swallowing something he'd been wanting to say yet didn't. "It looks good. No need to cover it anymore."

But I don't respond. I physically can't, as my eyes are stuck on his, literally making it impossible to look away or do anything else for that matter.

His hand lingers on my hair before his thumb grazes the highest point of my cheek. It would be normal. Routine. However, there is no wound on the spot where he touches me. And he knows, because the movement of his hand isn't fluid and smooth at all. It's ragged, hesitant, like he knows he shouldn't but can't refrain from doing it anyway.

I can't help but lean into his touch, the warmth of his hand spreading through my own skin in the process, but he hesitates even more now.

"Alex.." There's a brief pause before he speaks again, his voice low and filled with an intensity that sends my heart racing in the worst way possible, because I know he's about to say something I don't want to hear. "We shouldn't."

I let out a frustrated sigh, my chest suddenly feeling heavy as he pulls his hand away, leaving my skin feeling eerily cold. I nod, though, because he's right.

We shouldn't.

Soap balls his fist as if trying to hold himself back, his expression unreadable as he stands up. "I should go," he says, his voice strained.

I don't respond, scared my voice will betray how he's making me feel.

As he reaches the door, he turns back once more. "Your wounds are healing nicely. I don't think I'll need to change your bandages anymore. You can leave the one on your shoulder off in two days. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you."

And then he's gone again.

A/N

Ahhhh I had a pretty weird weekend. First, I was planning on writing the whole weekend, then I completely burnt my finger on friday and I couldn't really use it. Then, I got my new laptop which made me want to write x200000 times more. Now it's sunday afternoon, had the most productive morning ever (finished two client projects & finished another chapter) AND I can suddenly use my finger again as if nothing even happened in the first place?

Anyway. That's about it. Also I wanted to say how happy I am that you guys are here w me still. Love u SO SO SO much. No joke. Okay, that's it. Have a nice day <333 OH also hope you enjoyed the double update :)