new girl - leah williamson

chapter 15: baby lets face it.

my breathing starts to slow, my body feels numb. i can't feel the cold nipping away at my fingertips, i can't feel the sun shining down, trying to warm me up. i let out a slow long breath.
what is wrong with me?

as soon as i start thinking about it, it starts happening again. i'll just push the feeling away. just like i do with everything.
i don't need to think about it.
i don't need to think about anything.
only football.
i need to win. i cant let anything distract me.
and yet one things still on my mind, that keeps on forcing itself back to the front of my mind. it's not something, it's someone.
before i know it, my heartbeats quickening again, my palms sweaty. i pull my hood back over my head. i stand up,  my legs cramping now that i've been sat down for too long.
i stare at the wall my back was against. i didnt realise what it was.
it's a mural. with me on it.
when i scored from the corner.
it's me celebrating.
i remember sarina telling me something about it. i wasn't really listening. part of me just didn't believe her.
i pull out my phone and take a quick picture of it. i see another incoming call from 'williamson'. another one. there's been like fifty. she must be really worried.
oh well. i don't think i even care.
i just don't want her to tell sarina.
now i'm getting calls, and messages from the others aswell. fuck i've missed breakfast, i don't know, i guess that comes as a relief to me.
i turn off my phone, having enough of the notifications and constant buzz. 
all i want to do is play football.
i don't want to have to deal with anyone. i just want the world to be silent again. i loved not having expectations of me. i love everyone being impressed by me, not everybody now expecting a world class performance every game.
i just want to be alone.
i leave my phone where i was sat and discard my hoodie there, and make my way over to the pitch. i go inside the building, not worrying about anyone seeing me as they're all at breakfast. they don't care. no one does. if they did they would have looked for me. not that i want them to, but it stings in the bottom of my stomach knowing none of them even tried.
i go into the training room, grabbing a football and walking back out onto the pitch.
i don't bother to warm up. i guess an injury doesn't seem too bad. i would get to train by myself, and have some time off. i don't think i've had more than a weeks break for a good couple years.

leah's pov ~

i eat my breakfast, probably quicker than i ever have before. i'm worried for sophia. really worried. but i cant let sarina know what's going on, she'd get dropped from the team if she found out sophia was chugging straight vodka at seven in the morning. and getting dropped is the last thing she needs right now.
she needs to get herself together.
she can't control her feelings, and she won't talk about them. she literally refuses.
the most i've ever gotten out from her is about her parents. that's it.
she acts like she likes me one minute, then the next day she straight up ignores me. i'd be lying if i said it didn't hurt.
but that's what sophia is. heartless, and above all, a mess.
that's what everyone says anyways.

i've come to realize i care about sophia. a lot. she's on my mind more. i excuse myself from breakfast, slipping out the room without alerting people.
i walk out the back of the building, my eyes scanning desperately for sophia.
i walk around, searching.

i've never seen the side of sophia i saw today. it really worried me. i could see the panic in her eyes, she couldn't control herself.
when i hugged her, i felt the tension leaving her. clearly, she's not used to hugs at all. after half a minute, she immediately backed away. i know i'm the only one who can calm her down, slightly. i've been able to calm her anger on a few occasions, but i've never even seen her in the state she was in earlier.
i walk over to her mural. she didn't go to see it when it was painted. in result of her making history in the few matches she's played, it got painted of her, over the one of harry kane.
i was there when sarina told her about it. she responded to her, it sounded almost automatic. i could see it wasn't going through her head.