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TW: torture, abuse, self-harm
"Can you start from the beginning?"
Anastasia sighed as she gripped Scott's hand before starting, "I was 15, walking to the middle school next door to pick up Sean. I had my headphones on so I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings but I do remember that I was hit from behind. When I woke up I was strapped to a cold table. He spent hours torturing me, trying different methods, to figure what would get me to scream the most. Burning, punching, electrocution, cutting, waterboarding and that was all before he shot me twice. By the time the police had found me, they were surprised that I was still alive but I did survive. It was a long road from there. I spent months in rehab, learning how to walk independently again and taking care of myself." By the time she had finished speaking, she was shaking and crying. She had refused to share with anyone but Aaron. She didn't trust the rest of the team and part of her didn't trust Aaron but she trusted him more than the others.
Scott had wrapped his arms around her, hoping to keep her grounded as she relived the horrors of what she went through. He tried his best to keep himself calm, wanting nothing more than to kill the man that hurt his wife but he knew now wasn't the time to do anything.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Aaron asked as he looked at his little sister. He had never known what she had gone through, already being at college when it happened. Neither of his parents had said anything to him. It once again just reminded him how little he knew about his own little sister.
Anastasia wiped her tears, "You were away at college at the time, I didn't want you to know. I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't tell Sean until much later. It was easier for mum and dad to say I was away at Boarding School and didn't want to come home rather than telling anyone the truth. It was my decision. If I still had a choice, I still wouldn't tell you." It wasn't that she didn't want her brother to know what had happened to her, Aaron just had a different way of processing trauma and she didn't want a lecture from him. The only reason why Sean knew was because of her recurring nightmares close to the time. He wouldn't leave her alone until she finally told him the truth.
Aaron looked at her hurt, "Why did you tell Sean and not me?"
"Because he asked. As much as you don't want to admit it, you never ask about me. You like me taking care of you and being there for you. You have never really cared about me and what I was going through. Sean might be dysfunctional but at least he cared to ask. It's easier to share with Sean because I know I won't be judged." She loved her brother but Aaron had pretty much abandoned them when he could leave the house, he didn't look back. He wanted to make a name for himself, without taking the baggage of the Hotchner name. Their dad hadn't been the best man but he pretty much left her and Sean to deal with it on their own.
He shook his head in denial, "That's not true. We used to talk when you were on the team, we spent weekends together with Jack and I was always here for you."
"No, Aaron. When I was on the team, you talked to everyone else but me. The weekends I spent with you, was me looking after Jack while you and Hayley went out. You were never there for me. I was there for you."
"That's not true. You're my little sister, I've always been there for you."
"I've never felt like your little sister."
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"Talk to me."
The couple had been sat in the driveway of the friend that they had dropped Noah off at. Anastasia simply couldn't find the courage to leave the car. Reliving those memories had taken a larger toll on her than she had anticipated. She knew Scott was worried but she didn't know what to say. More importantly, the confrontation with her brother had left her confused. Had he seriously thought he did a good job as a bog brother? Did he really think he had been there for her in the way she needed?
"I don't know what to say." She sighed.
Scott pressed a kiss to her hand, "Anything, you can say anything."
"I hate feeling like this. I spent so long dealing with what had happened and trying to get over it. I hate that i have to relive it all. What hurts the most is Aaron somehow making this about him. I stated what happened and why I chose to keep it to myself, and he chose to be hurt about Sean knowing before him? I have spent years making excuses for our family and how we're clearly incapable of being there for each other but when I call him out on his behaviour, he's upset? He has refused to talk to Sean for years because despite knowing he was struggling, he wanted nothing to do with it but wants to get upset that I'm close with Sean? He really wonders why I have told him about is being married. He wants to see what he wants to see, what I feel doesn't matter. I'm done feeling like I need to care about everyone else's feelings. I'm happy. I love my life and I couldn't be happier with where I've ended up. I don't owe him anything." Anastasia word vomited.
Scott held her hand tighter, "You don't have to have him in your life if you don't want to. Like you said, you don't owe him anything. You are happy and that's all that matters, it doesn't matter what he thinks."
"I hate feeling like this, I just want to stop feeling."
"I know, love. Unfortunately life is not that easy but you're not alone. I won't let anyone hurt you again."
