Helluva Guy (Helluva Boss x Autisic reader.)

Loo Loo Land

Stolas: Mm-hmm... What's that you're listening to?

Octavia: This song is called "My World is Burning Down Around Me". It's by Fuck You Dad.

Stolas looks down, thinking the name of the band his daughter mentioned is a hurtful remark.

Octavia: It's a band.

Stolas: Ohhhh! How charming...?

Stolas grabs the zebra meat and feeds it to a massive potted plant situated in a small alcove off the kitchen as he pets it. Sated, it falls dormant, closing its three eyes.

Octavia: So, you two done screaming for the day?

Stolas: Umm...

Stella lets out another scream of anger and another potted plant is heard shattering in the distance.

Stolas: You know what I haven't done in a long, loooong time? I haven't taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why don't we go to Loo Loo Land?

Octavia: I'm not five anymore.

Stolas: You always were so happy when I took you to Loo Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just the two of us?

Octavia: I'd... rather kill myself.

Stolas: There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security.

Stolas picks up a phone carried on a platter by his now bruised and battered servant.

Octavia: Security for a theme park?

Stolas: We are rich, and we're hot. People want our money and our bodies!

Octavia grabs a box of cereal on the table and begins shoveling handfuls into her mouth.

Octavia: Our money, maybe.

Stolas: Speak for yourself, princess. Now... I'm calling the only man who can f*** me!

Octavia: What...?

Stolas: Who can protect me! Us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know. I might even call up Y/N!

Octavia eyes widened, she blushed and pulls her beanie down over her eyes.

/////

I.M.P Headquarters, where Blitzo is busy doing very important work in his office, involving crude representations of Millie and Moxxie made out of office supplies that he puppets around and speaks with. Between them is a framed photo of Blitzo with a robe pulled down off his shoulders seductively and a flower between his teeth. The text reads "#1 Bitch" with "BOSS" written in red over it.

Blitzo: *impersonating Millie* "Oh, Blitzo! You're such a good boss!" *impersonating Moxxie* "Yeah, I really want you, sir." *impersonating Millie* "Me, too!" *As himself* Let's three-way!

Blitzo lowers his "employees" below his desk to crotch level, looking momentarily pleasured before being interrupted by the ringing of his Hellphone.

Blitzo: WHAT?!

Stolas: Why, hello, my big-dicked Blitzy.

Both Blitzo and Octavia spit out their coffee in sheer surprise. Blitzo slams his "BOSS BITCH" mug onto his desk.

Blitzo: What--

Octavia: the--

Blitzo: FUCK--

Octavia: Dad?!

Stolas: Language, everyone! I have a special request~

Blitzo: Aw... Look, I just had a chemical peel. So, you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass.